I am grateful for... Self-confidence

Last month a friend recommended an improv course to me. Honestly I had no idea what improv really meant. As far as I was aware, it involves making things up on the spot, being creative and saying whatever we have in mind impromptu.

Those who have worked with me would know that I am not the most articulate person when it comes to answering questions on the spot. If it is a good day I end up answering with poor structure or diction, but if it is a bad day I end up stuttering a lot of "erm"s here and there, and not even making any relevant point. I would feel too forced to speak as soon as possible instead of allowing my brain to process all the information, order my train of thoughts and come up with a solid, comprehensible answer.

That is only one of the reasons why I am scared of public speaking. Heck, I still tremble with fear when I become the centre of attention I bet the whole room could see my hands shake. On top of that, my creative side does not come out as often as I wish it could, and I am too much of a perfectionist to be able to give a speech on the spot without enough preparation.

I thought to myself, it will be a long shot, but this course sounds very useful for someone like me. Who knows maybe it could help me be more confident in public speaking and improve in any of the above aspects. Otherwise at least it would be fun and I get to meet new people, which I always enjoy. So I looked up the course information on the website, but was not convinced that I had the motivation to commit to such a course. I decided to leave it as I did not want to invest in something and end up quitting before it finishes.

Then came the new year. I got myself a passion planner for 2018 and the first thing the planner asked me to do was spend 5 mins, imagine that the planner contained a magical paper wherein anything I write would come true, and write down my goals for the next 3 months, 1 year, 3 years and my lifetime. This task got to me real hard as the first thing that crossed my mind was my childhood dream which I am too embarrassed to reveal on this blog, but also for which I have made zero progress to get there because I assumed I lack the talent and creativity to achieve it. However, I wrote it down anyway and so many other great goals came up that I spent more like 10-15 minutes writing them all down.

It was then that I decided I wanted to commit to doing more creative things from this year on. I started watching the online photography course that I bought two years ago, spend a few hours photo-hunting in Belfast, looked up singing and salsa courses, and signed up to a choir trial session. Honestly this is the most exciting chapter of my life as I finally get to exercise my creativity, explore my potential and push beyond my limits. Something I never thought I would actually pursue.

It was not until yesterday that I figured out I had nothing to do on a weekday evening in London. It is the first week of January and I finally got back to work after the Christmas and New Year's holiday. Naturally I hit up the Meetup app and see what's on in London. A few meetups sounded interesting but one caught my attention in particular: Improvisation for Self-Confidence. Aha! It reminded me of the course that my friend had recommended to me before. The meetup description appealed to me immediately as it sounded exactly like what I'm looking for. Plus if I end up liking it I could come back and attend regularly. Awesome!

After work and dinner, I went to the meetup and saw a good attendance of around 20-25 people. The host already came across hilarious and friendly in the first 2 minutes so that was a good sign. He was able to lead the group to do seemingly uncomfortable activities without the awkwardness! We went through a variety of exercises which encouraged eye contact, moving our body, making sounds and noises, saying random things, acting, talking in front of strangers, and certainly a lot of creativity. Check out Improvisation Fun on Meetup if you want to join them next time http://meetu.ps/c/2Mqhr/n70fb/a

When I got home I still had so much excitement and energy I started telling my friends about this meetup and inviting them to the next one. Only then did I realise how many people might be uncomfortable at this meetup. Even at that session there were a few attendees who seemed like they pushed themselves really hard out of their comfort zones, and I was very proud of them for having turned up that night at all. Similarly I understand people who would avoid this meetup at all costs and I wouldn't force them to go if they didn't want to. But I like to imagine that deep inside they really wanted someone to give them that extra push to do something like this and they would end up enjoying it more than they thought they would.

Looking back, I know that I was once in their shoes and hated being the centre of attention. Even one year ago, I used to dislike giving presentations or speeches and thought I was no good. However, I have to say that I have come so far to get to where I am now, and it was only through attending a lot of meetups and meeting new people that I have grown. Remembering those times, I just realised my self-confidence has improved so much especially in the past half a year. It almost feels like I am a different person - a truer version of me and I am proud of myself for that.

It goes without saying that I still have a long way to go and am nowhere near confident yet, but everyone has their own journey in life. It is only fair for me to compare who I am now to who I used to be in the past - not to other people. Through these improv meetups and other creative courses I am going to pick up this year, I hope to grow my confidence even more.

(Photo credit: Brooke Lark on Unsplash)

For some reason I really wanted to share this with others so I decided to write this long story on my blog and potentially start a series of "I am grateful for..." posts. Sometimes it is worth pausing for a minute to look at where you are today and compare that with where you were one year ago, and see how far you have come or what you could still improve. Give yourself some credit, reward yourself and identify some key actions to take your goals even further.

What are you grateful for today? Well done for getting to where you are now - and keep fighting to get to the next step.

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Why breakups are good

First and foremost, don't get me wrong. I hate breakups. It marks the end of something that you had invested your time and emotions in. Post breakups, you wake up as a different person, living a different life without this person who used to be a large part of it. And you hate change.

Some breakups end in tears, some end in relief. It may end something that was unhealthy, or conclude a joyful journey. Either way, it changes your life, for worse or for better.

I used to spend all my time with this person. We had dinner together, went to the movies together, exercised together, travelled together, and so on and so forth... Every time I feel like trying something new, I have someone to share that experience with. Every time I feel happy, I have someone to celebrate with. Every time I feel sad, I have a shoulder to cry on. It got to the point where I need someone to spend my time with, or I would feel miserable.

I happen to travel for work from Mondays to Thursdays so I am used to spending my time alone in the evenings. However, the fact that someone was waiting for me back home and that I had something to look forward to at the weekends, was what kept me going. It is hard not having someone to pass time with, but what is even harder is when you realise that you cannot survive being on your own.

I cannot imagine being alone, all by myself, both when I am away working and when I am back at home. There are new restaurants, movies, events and places that I want to visit, but now I have noone to share that experience with. Doing things by myself is not really something that I knew how to do.

And then it hit me. That dish I used to cook every day - is it really my favourite dish, or did I like it just because this other person liked it? That movie I sat through when I was tired - did I really want to see it, or was he just dragging me to accompany him? That present I got from him - did it really impress me, or was I just being grateful? (Author's note: these do not necessarily reflect how I felt about my past relationship and were designed to have a varied range of statements)

I looked at myself and thought: what are the things I had always wanted to do but never had the chance to? I never got around to doing it because I was always spending my time with someone else. I was too busy learning about this other person I didn't get to discover myself. I barely spent any time with my friends because I wanted to be there with this one person. Now when I lose him, I still don't know the things I wanted to learn how to do before I met him, and I have no other people to share with because I had only ever invested my time in that relationship.

I guess breakups are good opportunities to rediscover who you really are. What you really like doing and what you really want to do. It can be tough, and sometimes I wish I could turn back time and return to the relationship, but the feeling you get when you discover something new about yourself will make it all well worth the pain.

Or so, I hope. Tell me when you find out.

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10 things to do in my 20s

I have recently finished university and I'm turning 22 by the end of the year.

For many people, university can be a very rewarding chapter in their lives where they learn new things, challenge themselves, and discover their self-identity.

For some, it could be a very eye-opening experience.

Maybe they learned more about their own strengths and weaknesses. Maybe they discovered new passion. Or maybe they realised they are not studying a field they completely enjoy, and potentially found other subjects of interest.

I certainly identify in all those groups.


When I finished my undergrad in Maths in 2015, I found that university maths is very different from high school maths, and it's not exactly something that I enjoyed the most. It reminded me of my IB-DP years where I considered studying Engineering and subsequently Computer Science. I've always wanted to learn how to program. I was 20 and I still had not been able to code. At the time technology was the "in" thing, and I really wanted to try the path I had not chosen before.

So I took a Master's conversion course where I learned basic computing concepts and programming techniques. I realised it was more aligned to my interests and certainly something I am passionate in.

However, my experience interning at a tech startup really hit me.


We were a very small team of around 6 people. At a startup, you have to do a little bit of everything. I was mainly developing the front-end and UX as well as scripting many of the functionalities. But I also volunteered to be involved in marketing and learned a bit of the project management side of things.

Little did I know how interesting that would be.

I've always been the kind of person to point out when things aren't running orderly or efficiently. I like making plans (with a degree of flexibility) and deciding how things should be better ran.

That made me realise I didn't just want to be a programmer. I want to be involved in planning what's being programmed and why. I enjoy thinking about the different ways to approach a challenge and figuring out which solution would be the most favourable given the objectives and constraints.

Eventually I find myself entering a career in the consulting world. I'm starting as an analyst in Technology Consulting, and I'm really excited to re-discover myself at this new chapter in my life.

However, the past few months haven't only been about that.


I regained my passion in reading and my interest in writing. I came across a mobile app for reading stories as an interactive game, called Episode. To cut the story short, I started writing my own story with two young authors.

It wasn't the easiest journey either. We've only got one episode down so far (which is about 20 mins read on average). The feedback we've received from friends who beta-read was stellar, but if I could be honest I personally am still not 100% happy with it. Though I reckon we'll be okay just kicking off with that and continuing the story.

I also had to lead the team and ensure each person can grow in this opportunity. My two teammates are both very young and I'd like them to be part of something challenging - an experience that doesn't only let them unleash their creativity but perhaps also lets them figure out new things about themselves and decide where to go with that.

But no, I'm not gonna say I'd want to pursue a career in writing at this point. (I don't! I played more of a director role in the team anyway rather than a script writer role. Which I absolutely love, btw! But I'm still learning and wouldn't call myself an expert.) However, I also realised that I have so many other interests that I had dropped over the past 21 years or so.


Singing, photography, playing ukulele, cooking, writing and drawing, to name a few. I've tried doing them but never found myself particularly good at any of it.

Playing games, building games, or developing my own mobile apps are also high on my wish-to-do list.

And I recently discovered that I enjoy travelling very much. Though maybe it was mostly due to the great company and delicious food.

However, how much of this can I seriously do at the same time? Learning one thing at a time is already challenging - not to mention learning a million different things at once. But then, how can I figure out which one(s) of these goals I should pursue right now?

The clock is ticking and I'm only getting older. I want to do these things while I'm still fit to quickly learn new things and adapt to changes.


Last year, I decided to pursue a lost dream by challenging myself to take a degree in CompSci. Luckily, it all turned out well and I found it was indeed something that I enjoyed and am good at (to a certain extent).

Who knows, maybe I too could be good at writing or drawing if I tried?

I was just talking about this with a new colleague yesterday and he believed that anyone can be good at something as long as they patiently try and practise. However, an ex-colleague once mentioned that it is sometimes better to improve on something that you're already somewhat good at rather than trying to become half good in something you're not skilled at.

So... What should I do?


This is such a volatile time in my life. There are so many opportunities and choices. I want to spend my spare time doing something that I'll cherish with no regrets.

Writing this post has tremendously helped me reflect back on it. I honestly don't have a definitive answer to that last question, but hopefully I'll find out sooner or later.

Thus far, I've had a fantastic time being 21 and certainly wouldn't want it to end. How much will I be able to accomplish before I turn 22?

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Can You Make a Living out of Music?

I was in Covent Garden for dinner at a burger chain. It was an open seating space. I could hear music from the open basement area. They play rather lovely music I would say. As I was finishing my meal, I decided to take a look at the beautiful faces of the people who play this beautiful music. I went to watch from upstairs.

(Note: photo credits go to Capco and Lady Jerez respectively. I do not own them nor were they taken the day I visited. I hope they make it clear what the place looked like!)

It was a group of violinists. They're good! I thought I'd stay a couple more minutes for another song or two. Then I heard a group of ladies next to me say: "They're not here for the music, they're here for the money!"

Whoa. What are they talking about?

Just after that, I saw a guy approached me and asked if I would like to make a donation for the musicians. I politely declined. He was being pushy. "Not even 2p? Not a 20p?" I shook my head.

"It's only free if you don't have conscience!" he yelled and walked away.

What?! Is that how they treat their audience? I was happily enjoying their music and then this guy approached me and totally ruined my mood.

Now I get what those ladies were talking about, who have obviously left before I finally did too.

Okay, I'm not gonna defend myself for not making a donation here. That's gonna be another long post. The point is: these musicians were not there for the music, they were there for the money.

I think it's a shame they're doing this. Everyone could clearly see a donation box next to where the musicians were standing as well as a pile of albums and a sign that says "£10" basically inviting us to buy their album. That's perfectly fine for me, but I don't feel they needed to send a team member to approach all the audience and ask for a donation. Especially telling people off when they don't make one!

I often see musicians on the tube stations or on the road performing and promoting their albums, but I really appreciate the ones who also put a sign with a link to their website or YouTube channel. They're clearly there for the music. They want people to hear their music and see their passion. And I totally respect them for that.

On the other hand, surely nothing in the world is free. These people need to make money in order to survive. It is true that approaching individual audience will increase their earnings, but is it that important for them?

Do they want their audience to give them money because they enjoy the good music they make, or because they feel bad being asked directly to pay a donation (especially if you risk being told off when you don't donate!)?

I believe that people who are truly passionate about what they do will know how to prioritise the different things they want in life, whereas the ones who don't will only be chasing figures.

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How to Free Up Space in Linux

I had a long, tiring day today.

As some of you may know, I finally installed Ubuntu alongside Windows in January and also upgraded to Windows 10 recently. I really like Ubuntu and started hating Windows which takes so long to boot up and ages to install updates.

Today I tried installing LaTeX-related packages on my Ubuntu partition as it was required for a coursework, but ended up running out of space. Before this I would usually write LaTeX documents on my Windows partition, but since I've been using Ubuntu a lot more recently, I thought it would be convenient to be able to do everything in my Ubuntu machine.

I guess it was my fault. At the very beginning I only allocated 26.8 GB for my Ubuntu partition. God knows how much space I was supposed to allocate to it though! As a result my machine was unable to boot at all. I could only see a blank screen. I panicked and tried to find a way to give my Ubuntu partition more space, which isn't possible since I have 4 partitions already. Damn you Lenovo! I suppose I could back it up on a DVD or something and then reinstall, but I don't have a free DVD with me right now and I can't wait that long to fix this!

My biggest concern was that I was doing my other coursework in my Ubuntu machine, and I was stupid enough not to push it to GitLab or make any backup at all. I don't think I'll be able to redo it before the deadline as I have to run "experiments" and collect data, which took me two days to do and I still have a ton of work left. Now that I can't log in to my Ubuntu machine I have no access to it and I don't wanna redo the coursework!!

Fortunately though it turned out that I was able to access the files on my Ubuntu partition from my Windows machine, and I had to delete a ton of unnecessary files. After that I could boot up Ubuntu but it keeps complaining I'm running out of space and I have no idea what to do.

I ended up removing a lot of files off Dropbox, university work, and some packages that I installed for God knows what. I was still curious as to reallocate more space into Ubuntu and spent hours trying out so many different ways I found on the internet to no avail.

I gave up and logged in to Ubuntu in the hope of being able to uninstall more irrelevant stuff to free up space. I then found two useful packages that I installed (in order to get more stuff uninstalled, yeah, sounds about right). Let me share my findings with you.

1. Synaptic Package Manager

Synaptic Package Manager is able to give a comprehensive list of all possible Linux packages out there and tell you which ones you have installed, as well as help you completely remove them.

To install: sudo apt-get install synaptic

2. BleachBit

BleachBit can help you delete temp files, log files, cache, trash, and all that stuff.

To install: sudo apt-get install bleachbit

Those two guys completely saved my life. Oh, and this guide too: How to remove everything related to TeX Live.

In the end I am able to get 11.1 GB free space in my Ubuntu partition. I was unable to install anything LaTeX related though. This means I'll have to switch to Windows every now and then to type up my coursework and dissertation in LaTeX. Or maybe I'll back up my Ubuntu and resize my partition.

... Most likely the former.

I hope you find this guide helpful, if not a little entertaining. I had a miserable day. I hope this guide can solve your problem before your day gets too miserable. Or at least I'll let this cute dancing potato cheer you up a bit.

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