E-COW-NOMICS

Economics models explained.......... with cows

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A NORTH KOREAN CORPORATION
You have 1000 cows.
You eat half of them and then clamorously blame their disappearance on your neighbour, then close off all diplomatic ties with your neighbour and sullenly starve the rest of the cows.

FEUDALISM
You have two cows.
Your lord takes some of the milk.

TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows.
The government takes them both and denies they ever existed and drafts you into the army.
Milk is banned.

A.I.B-ISM!
What cows?
We have Cows?
How many?
Oh my God somebody's been buying cows!

DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both tosupport a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office, go for a few beers to celebrate and throw another shrimp on the barbie.

MALAYSIAN BUMIPUTRAISM
You have two cows, the State takes one and gives it to your bumiputra neighbour.
From the milk you sell from the remaining cow you buy a bull and mulitply your herd.
The State takes 30 per cent of your herd as it grows and give them to your bumiputra neigbour.
Your bumiputra neighbour has a kenduri each time they receive a cow.

UMNOPUTRAISM
The State takes 30 per cent of your herd and parks them in Switzerland in the name of some UMNO official or close relatives, friends and sons-in-law.

MALAYSIAN GOVERNMENT-LINKED OR BUMIPUTRA CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You employ mainly bumiputras to milk them.
But both cows have been sent to the kenduri, so the State gives you more cows and write off the losses of the first two.
After several kenduris later, you invite an American or German Corporation to turn around the losses.
The Japanese have however already taken their two original cows back home to Japan.

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Whenever prices of GST, ERP, PUB and kopi-si go up; one cow-peh and the other cow-bu.

ENRON CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters ofcredit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute adebt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all fourcows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sellsthe rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving youwithnine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public buys your bull.

INDIAN ECOWNOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECOWNOMICS
You don’t have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid,
China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes,
Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans,
Russia for drugs,
Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECOWNOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

LEVERAGED BUYOUTS
You have two cows.
You come home from the fields one day to find Henry Kravis chatting to your spouse at the dining-room table.
Two days later, you have no spouse, no farm, and no table.
Two guys the size of sumo wrestlers have saddled up the cows and are riding them around the farmyard.

CURRENCY MARKET
You have two cows.
China has 1 trillion cows.
Guess who sets the price of milk?

BOND MARKET
You have two cows.
One is Brazilian, one is Australian.
They yield 25 quarts of milk per day.
That’s half as much as three years ago, when you traded your less-lactiferous German and U.S. cows for them.
You are thinking of swapping for a pair of Namibian cows.
They only have three legs but, hey, they produce 26 quarts per day.

DERIVATIVES
You have two cows.
You repackage five of them into a Collateralized Lactating Obligation, pay for a AAA credit rating, slice the CLO into 10 pieces and sell it to investors, skimming the cream from the milk for yourself.
Three of the cows fall ill, and the credit rating plummets.
You get to keep the cream.

HEDGE FUNDS
You have two cows.
A guy in an open-necked shirt drives up in his Bentley and offers to take care of them for you in return for a year’s supply of steak and 50 percent of their milk.
They won’t be allowed to leave his compound for two years.
Six months later, you have half a cow, producing sour milk.
“You have to be willing to lose rump today to get rib-eye tomorrow,” the hedge-fund guy mumbles through a mouthful of sirloin and champagne.

CARBON-EMISSIONS TRADING
You have two cows.
They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day.
After a hefty donation to the re-election campaign of your local representative, the government gives you enough emission permits for six cows.
You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas power station.

MICROSOFT CORP.
You have one old, tired cow.
A recent heart transplant may have come too late to save the beast.

GOOGLE INC.
You have no cows.
You slap advertisements on everyone else’s cows.
The milk floods in.
You use the proceeds to reinvent the cow.

APPLE INC.
Nobody wants your cows.
You design the cutest little milk bottle.
Now, everybody wants your cows.

GOLDMAN SACHS GROUP INC.
You have 26,467 cows.
They are strapped into the milking machines 24/7.
Some of them have more hay than they could ever hope to eat.
Others aspire to one day having more hay than they could ever hope to eat.
The cows with the most hay end up with big government jobs.

PENSION-FUND MANAGEMENT
You have two cows.
How boring is that?
You pay a month’s supply of milk to a consultant, who advises you to sell one cow and buy two aardvarks instead.
The aardvarks die.
The consultant charges you four months of your (now reduced) milk supply and advises you to sell half of your remaining cow and buy a wombat.
The wombat dies.
The consultant charges eight months of milk for a copy of his new report, “Two-Cow Strategies for Alleviating the Impending Pensions Crisis.”

RUSSIAN ENERGY
You have two cows.
Comrade, those cows are an environmental hazard.
We suggest you hand one of them over to us.

CREDIT-DEFAULT SWAPS
You have two cows.
You buy insurance against them dying, and tuck the contracts into the middle of that tottering pile of documentation on your desk.
One dark night, Henry Kravis sneaks off with your cows.
By the time you track down the paperwork, your now worthless contracts have expired.

INTEREST-RATE SWAPS
You have two cows.
You pledge one of them to me as collateral in a swap for some of my pigs.
I pledge the cow to my neighbor as collateral in a swap for some of his sheep.
He pledges the cow to his cousin as collateral in a swap for some of his cousin’s goats.
Better pray the livestock market doesn’t crash and we have to try and round up that cow.

COMMODITIES
You have lots of stocks and bonds, but no cows.
Are you crazy?
Cows are the hot new market.
Here, buy this exchange- traded cow futures contract.
It can’t lose.
It gained 40 percent in the past six months.

GOLD
You have two cows.
You wear a cap you made out of tin foil so that the tiny black helicopters can’t read your thoughts.
You spend your days blogging about how the government’s decision to abandon the cattle standard in 1933 was part of a global conspiracy by the world’s central banks to destroy the value of your herd.

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Market

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich.
'Marry me!' - That's Direct Marketing... '


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a
gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and
pointing at you says: 'He's very rich.
'Marry him.' -That's Advertising. ..'


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and get her telephone number. The next day, you
call and say: 'Hi, I'm very rich.
'Marry me - That's Telemarketing. ..'


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up
and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour
her a drink, you open the door (of the car)'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations... '


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks
up to you and says:'You are very rich!
'Can you marry ! me?' - That's Brand Recognition. ..'


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you
a nice hard slap on your face. - 'That's Customer Feedback...'


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she
introduces you to her husband. - 'That's demand and supply gap...'


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say anything, another person come
and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she
goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market share...'


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to
her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your
wife arrives. - 'That's restriction for entering new markets...'

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You Know You Are in IB When...

1. You feel the need to get COMPLETELY SHIT-FACED every weekend.
2. You works at least 18 hours a day and you actually start enjoying being a workaholic
3. Getting high is the perfect complementary entheogen to TOK
4. You just went and looked up Entheogen.
5. You TRIP OUT when your teacher asks you to
a) read some Heart of Darkness aloud when you're high.
b) asks you to be a main character in King Lear when you're high.
6. You start reading this list and don't stop.
7. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
8. You've filled a 7-11 big gulp cup with coffee and wished you could find a bigger cup.
9. You develop an irrational fear of the square root of three.
10. You giggle at that last one.
11. You pick at the grammar of everyone and everything. Chat-speak is not acceptable. Nor is the grammar of the person who wrote the "Reasons for Doing I.B." section.
12. You get excited about a new show on the history channel.
13. When speaking with a non-I.B. kid, you must define nearly every word you use.
14. You found that probability quiz in Mathematics class the other day to be SO MUCH FUN!
15. You realized there was a grammar mistake in the above sentence.
16. If you didn't realize, you went back and looked.
17. When you realized an error in the first place, you went back to make sure you had found it and ended up finding another.
18. You probably started taking Mathematics in your Sophomore year. This proves that everyone has in them a posibility of becoming IB students.
19. Every now and then when you open your mouth, queef comes out
20. When you think school is where all of the cool kids hang out.
21. You are a member of any (or all) of the following: Mu Alpha Theta (ok), Science Honours Society (nice), Book Club (safe so far), National Honours Society (DAMN!!!!!!!!!), etc.
22. You start taking desperate measures in an attempt to complete CAS such as: Chess Club or Creative Writing Club.
23. You have become immune to caffeine.
24. You are sleep deprived and therefore hallucinate periodically (which explains IB students' "dreamy eyes that stare into the future").
25. You realized there was a misspelled word above. (Not anymore, a fellow IB student who giggled at number 11 fixed the word "students" :P)
26. You become so good atcopying some text alt tabbing to a word document and pasting the text that you dont even notice when you do it.
27. As a result, no one wants to be your friend.
28. Well, that was a lie. That kid in regular classes wants to date you. You date them, then write a fifty page scientific report on that newly identified species of hominid. Then you realise that they were just really, really stupid.
29. Your idea of going out involves doing chairitable acts for your C.A.S. project.
30. You are now having a Grand Mal Seizure upon realising that I spelled "charitable" incorrectly.
31. You start meeting your class mates to do maths and physics in your free time.
32. Your idea of a good night out is the library and getting mashed is reading up about Alcohol in your IB Chemistry Course Companion.
33. You explain to each other how the world works by using your newly learnt physics. Such as the Force necessary to move a car is directly proportional to the acceleration the car would experience. You go on further explaining how a Force vs. Acceleration diagram would yield a straight line graph of equation y=mx+b where the gradient, m, would be equal to the mass of the car.
34. You completely understood that.
35. When you finish a test and feel like you have been violated.
36. When you play the Wikipedia game during lessons.
37. Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and suggest that you get some sleep.
38. You can achieve a Runner's High by sitting up.
39. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
40. The Sun is too loud.
41. Trees begin threatening you.
42. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
43. While writing a TOK paper, you begin to actually understand the material.
44. You explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip of espresso.
45. You wonder if brewing is an essential step in the consumption of coffee.
46. Things become "Very Clear".
47. You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers can understand.
48. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can levitate.
49. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
50. You heart beats in 7/8 time.
51. David Lynch comes and says: "Hey, can I film you?"
52. You and Reality file for divorce.
53. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
54. You have great revelations concerning Life, the Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow fades, leaving you more confused than before.
55. Antacid tablets and No-Doze become your sole source of nutrition.
56. You eat breakfast in your first or second period class daily.
57. You discover the aesthetic beauty of school supplies.
58. You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row about it, lose, and refuse to talk to yourself for the rest of the day.
59. You yell: "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you're the only person in the room.
60. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
61. Five words: "WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?!?!?!?"
62. You can spell "Baccalaureate".
63. "I.B., therefore I B.S."
64. "IB has an honor code?!?!"
65. "Friends" and "fellow IBers" are interchangeable.
66. You go to bed at 3AM and think, "Oh, it's an early night!"
67. Your favorite saying is "If I get a hundred on every test for the rest of the year..."
68. Social life? What's that? Can I download one of those?
69. LOL! "69" <--- -="" 100.="" 101.="" 102.="" 103.="" 104.="" 105.="" 106.="" 107.="" 108.="" 3rd="" 6="" 70.="" 71.="" 72.="" 73.="" 74.="" 75.="" 76.="" 77.="" 78.="" 79.="" 80.="" 81.="" 82.="" 83.="" 84.="" 85.="" 86.="" 87.="" 88.="" 89.="" 90.="" 91.="" 92.="" 93.="" 94.="" 95.="" 96.="" 97.="" 98.="" 99.="" 9="" a="" about="" abridged="" accepted="" activity="" actually="" advantage="" after="" again="" all="" alone.="" alternate="" amazon.com="" amount="" an="" and="" answers.="" approves="" are="" as="" at="" back.="" backpack="" bag="" banned="" barely="" bathroom="" be="" became="" been="" before="" believing="" bert="" best="" black="" bn.com="" bolt.="" book.="" book="" books-a-million.="" books-a-million="" books="" but="" by="" c="" calculus="" can="" card--on="" card.="" cards="" care="" cas="" catch="" cheat="" cheating="" checklists="" choice="" cite="" claim="" classes="" cliff="" cloned="" clones="" closed.="" code.="" colleges="" comfortable="" complete="" consider="" consulted="" contained="" convenient="" copy="" could="" count="" creativity="" credit="" cs="" customer="" day="" definitely="" deliver="" desperate="" developed="" dial.="" difficult="" divine="" do.="" do="" dog="" don="" dressed="" drink="" due.="" each="" either="" ends.="" enough="" ernie="" essay="" essays="" exams.="" exceed="" explain="" extended="" eyes="" fact="" fades="" fail="" fast="" fill="" find="" finish="" fooled="" for="" forgot="" framed="" free="" frequently="" frog="" from="" full="" gas="" gay.="" get="" give="" giving="" going="" grade="" had="" hand.="" hat="" have="" hey="" hints="" history="" homework="" honor="" hope="" hours="" how="" ib="" idea="" if="" imprint="" impure="" in="" insanity="" insufficiently="" intervention="" intestines="" into="" is="" it.="" it="" jokes="" just="" last="" lead="" library="" lightning="" limit="" lit.="" long="" looking="" made="" make="" manage="" math="" may="" midnight.="" more="" morning.="" most="" movie="" multiple="" night="" not.="" not="" notes.="" notes="" now="" of="" offered="" okay="" on="" one="" only="" or="" order="" orders="" orld="" other="" out="" paper.="" people="" permanently="" person.="" pesky="" placed="" plane="" plea="" plead="" preferred="" profit="" prolific="" quiz="" re="" really="" remember="" research="" ride="" running="" s="" said="" satisfaction="" saying="" school.="" sell="" semester="" semis="" sentences="" shipment="" shortly="" sites="" sleeping="" smile="" so="" sold="" soul="" souls="" source="" special="" speed="" start="" stop="" stores="" strategically="" student="" study.="" succeed.="" sweater="" t="" tab="" talk="" tarot="" teacher.="" teacher="" teachers="" telepathy.="" tell="" term="" test.="" test="" tests.="" than="" that="" the="" them.="" there="" thesis="" thing="" this...="" those="" thoughts="" through="" time="" times="" to="" too="" took="" try="" twice="" until="" up="" used="" various="" ve="" wake="" walking="" was="" watching="" way="" we="" weeks="" weigh="" weighs="" when="" whether="" white="" why="" with="" within="" wonder="" wore="" worth="" write="" writing="" you="" your="" yourself="">30 pounds.
109. You have convinced your parents the "1" you received on your IB Physics exam was really the "top 1% of all IB students worldwide".
110. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time to gain that "upper edge" on the rest of the class.
111. Your home becomes a "home away from home".
112. You think the meaning of life is: G = -RTlnK.
113. Your favorite equation is
114. Said equation comes up on a test.
115. You go insane from trying to work Pythagoras' constant and the golden rule into said equation.
116. You succeed in mathematically correctly adding above to said formula without changing number bases.
117. Pressed for time, you conclude a history essay with, "And they lived happily every after. Amen."
118. You get into a slugging match over priority for the library photocopier.
119. You copy old Theory of Knowledge essays so you can get an A in the Ethics unit.
120. You plagiarize from Cliff's Notes for the "What is Truth?" ToK paper.
121. It's essential to learn to live with occasional failures.
122. "What is the Bronsted Lowry Theory again?"
123. Can we say EXTRA CREDIT??
124. You actually worry about the 105% you have in math.
125. You find that you overreact when you get 2 points marked off on your homework.
126. You find that you spend more time sleeping in class than at home.
127. You think you're a normal kid until suddenly you realise kids at other high schools regularly go to sleep before midnight.
128. You get a job at Kinko's not for the paycheck, but because you're there 8 hours a day anyway!
129. You are 18 but can't drive.
130. You have 15 library cards each under a different alias.
131. Tests are no longer singular efforts!
132. The librarians know you so well that you don't even have to go to the front desk of the library to check the book out.
133. You've read most of the books in your library, and have a written report on over 3/4 of them!
134. You read all the books in the local public library, so you found a loophole that allowed you to check out books from the local university stacks.
135. Your list of excuses for not doing your homework is the length of Anna Karenina.
136. You have used nearly all of them. (But have just enough left to use as an Extended Essay.)
137. You exceed the 4200 word limit on the Extended Essay (by over 1000 words).
138. The simplest words you know are at least 10 letters long.
139. You ask what your summer reading assignment will be in October.
140. You come into school at 6:00am to do Biology and don't complain.
141. It takes more than one trip to carry the books you need between your car and your locker.
142. You carry around vocabulary flash cards to whip out in your free time.
143. You can list all 5 definitions on vocabulary tests.
144. The saying "When I graduate high school" has been replaced with "If I ever graduate."
145. When your school gives you a survey on your future plans,you ask your teacher "Will I graduate High School"
146. Your teacher has had to ask a student in your class to "Put His Pants Back on"
147. You edit this page
148. When you are home sick, you can't help but wonder what work you're missing and what your homework is.
149. When you're watching TV, you feel guilty because not all of your homework is done.
150. You find yourself spelling words out on scantrons. You are deeply saddened when you can only find one letter of "IB SUCKS!"
151. You went back and checked.
152. You show up 4 hours late to an IB test and still manage to get a "5".
153. During a Chemistry test, instead of doing the work, you write a random answer program in your TI-82 and get the highest score in the class.
154. You have an internet connection on your calculator.
155. You have a TI-200 on layaway.
156. Your idea of great art is simultaneously graphing the sine, cosine and tangent graphs on your calculator.
157. You have functioning electrical appliances in your locker.
158. You've memorized the cracks in the stucco on the wall behind your computer monitor.
159. You can type 70 words per minute -- on a TI-89.
160. You devise a "pager code" and page your classmates all night with obscene messages.
161. You use the internet for research and not smut.
162. You have an autographed picture of Bill Gates in your bedroom.
163. Your TI-89 can now link with satellites so you can watch The Learning Channel at lunch.
164. You have more CD-ROMS than music CDs.
165. Your favorite TV program is Wild Discoveries on The Discovery Channel.
166. You have your TI-89 hooked up to your friends' so that you can "chat" during class.
167. OMG You get excited when you find out that your Handy Dandy TI Calculator can graph a line of best fit on graph
168. You use your "chat" program to tell each other the answers during a test, and your teacher congratulates you for #your "innovative thinking".
169. The only reason Texas Instruments hired you was because your bill was so large.
170. You became a hardware beta tester for TI.
171. You consult the RandInt( function on your TI-86 for answers on multiple-choice tests (including IB and AP exams).
172. You find the algorithm to correctly answer multiple choice tests without looking at them.
173. You brag about how large your computer is.
174. You're shunned if you don't have a computer with at least 25 gigs.
175. You debate whether or not you can send a fax collect.
176. Your favorites on the pull down menu of your internet browser include: Barlett's Familiar Quotations, The Electric Library, #The Discovery Channel online, The History Channel online, and the National Geographic homepage.
177. You consider your computer your best friend.
178. You see no point to programming in anything other than machine code and possibly assembly.
179. You write and run programs in your head while sleeping between classes and practicing chess moves on the tile floor en route.
180. You often wake up suddenly from this and start screaming out streams of ones and zeroes, then explain it away as either an assembly crash or an i/o error, as applicable.
181. You discuss the impossibility of the aliens' computers being Macintosh compatible in Independence Day.
182. You wish you could interface with the computer-generated reality of the Matrix.
183. You envy the Borg.
184. The Borg envy you.
185. You've gotten electronic copies of text books in TI-89 format.
186. Your TI-89 has made you stupid.
187. You have made your TI-89 stupid.
188. Your multiple T3 lines were too slow for last minute searches for your term papers, so you got a couple of OC-20 lines
189. You've replaced your Flintstones vitamins with speed.
190. Your bed hasn't been slept in since Bush was president.
191. You actually believe "mental health days" are excused absences.
192. Brewing coffee takes too long, so you just eat the beans.
193. You slip prozac into your Powerade or Dr. Pepper.
194. You're afraid of sunlight since you haven't seen it in 3 years.
195. You get Advil at cost.
196. You get a full upper body workout putting your backpack on.
197. You skip breakfast so you can get to school early to get in some extra cramming time and gain that "upper edge" on the rest of the class.
198. Breakfast?! What's that?
199. The bags under your eyes are heavier than the ones carrying your textbooks.
200. You always seem to have one continuous headache.
201. You haven't seen light in so long you glow in the dark.
202. You find yourself thinking "Without stress my life would be empty."
203. You don't carry lunch money - You carry Vivarin, Powerade, and Dr. Pepper money.
204. Your contacts are so thick that you have trouble closing your eyes.
205. You have a permanent caffeine-and-sleep-deprivation high.
206. You actually BUY caffeinated water.
207. You can measure your daily caffeine consumption in gallons.
208. You can count the number of hours you sleep each week on one missing hand.
209. You've taught yourself how to take naps while walking to your next class.
210. When your teacher wakes you from sleep when nothing is going on in class, you are deprived of sleep.
211. You've used so much Vivarin, you learn to make it in Chemistry in order to save money.
212. You actually get used to waking up at 5:00 am.
213. You actually get used to waking up at 5 am, then decide to sleep some more anyway.
214. You hyperventilate every time you see a traditional student, praying that you'll never become like them.
215. You look forward to your in-school finals as a change of pace from your IB exams.
216. You actually put the apostrophe in front of the word "'cause."
217. The local media writes an article on your class and titles it "Brains R Us". (this really happened!)
218. You still get kicks saying "Your epidermis is showing."
219. When no one's looking, you exacerbate.
220. You think SEX is an acronym for a test you take after the SAT.
221. You think "getting high" is a reference to grades.
222. You think Saved By The Bell was a documentary.
223. The vampire rapist thought you were crazy.
224. Your idea of watching TV is the morning announcements.
225. You misread the Psychology exam and write an essay on "social sex".
226. You're one of the few people who realizes that Catcher in the Rye isn't about baseball.
227. You have taken in so much knowledge that you forget what the doorbell means.
228. You feel the need to literarily analyse the character development, mood/tone, plot development, dialogue, and other literary aspects of an episode of Family Guy.
229. You wrote an essay on it and got a 7 for it.
230. You think MTV is a formula for mass, temperature and volume.
231. You're one of the few to know that the "perverted American Dream" isn't a porno.
232. Watching Beavis and Butthead requires WAY too much brain power.
233. You clean up your room and find a bed.
234. You wonder about things like what would happen if your car traveled at the speed of light and your turned your lights on.
235. You have a bumper sticker that says "Proud to be a test tube baby."
236. "Burnout" isn't a strong enough word to describe you.
237. The word "ponder" sends you into spasms.
238. William Carlos Williams' poetry actually makes sense.
239. For those of you who took French A1, replace by G. Appollinaire
240. You gave up your search for a "nice university with a good curriculum" during your first week of 11th grade. You've now redefined your search to "a nice bell tower with a good mount for a sniper rifle". You stop going to volunteer work, but you unconsciously think you're still going.
241. Everything you know about sex, you learned from the English reading list.
242. You worry about hyphens.
243. The words: "Oh my God! There's a triad in this poem!"
244. You enjoy finding out the hard way why normal distribution should work.
245. It's the little things that confuse you.
246. You have the chemical formula and steps of synthesis for caffeine memorized.
247. You think that the game LIFE will really affect yours.
248. You still think Beavis and Butthead is a true-to-life TV show about "normal high school".
249. Alternatively, you realize Beavis and Butthead is actually Mike Judge's social commentary on the MTV generation's stupidity.
250. You find all the "glitches", "boo-boos", and other such small mistakes in movies.
251. You use your ToK background to analyze Winnie the Pooh's Book of Quotations.
252. When asked what significance Hitler had to Racial Social Darwinism, you say "Well, he didn't like Jews."
253. You look forward to hell week because you think hell would be an improvement on your current situation.
254. Free time?
255. You've mastered the art of procrastination so well that your research paper finishes printing just seconds before you have to leave for school.
256. You get to college and realize the classes you are taking seem really familiar.
257. Your college professors' grading systems seem a little too lenient.
258. You dread the word rubric.
259. Yourbrainissooverloadedthatyouforgetthesimplestthings.
260. You managed to write 4,000 words on the subject "Hitler was a nice guy, wasn't he?" (sarcasm not included)
261. You've managed to get through an entire year of History of the Americas without reading one page of your test book.
262. You're not certain if you want to get laid, layed, or laid to rest.
263. When you go to the library, you see a least three or four of your classmates.
264. To celebrate finishing your IB exams you decide to be really wild and go for coffee.
265. You hold "parties" to study.
266. You look forward to your parties.
267. Your fellow IBers look forward to your parties, attend them, and do actual studying there.
268. You have parties in your school's physics lab, and you consider yourselves the "cool people".
269. You envy the unabomber's social life.
270. Your pick-up lines include compliments on the quality of her (his) epidermis and the wonderful shape of her (his) occipital plate.
271. You have an element named after you.
272. Four words: "Wanna play some chess?"
273. You decline the invitation displayed above, saying that you would better spend your time doing homework.
274. Your peers know more about you than you do.
275. You really wear those IB T-shirts.
276. You forget your brother's name because you haven't seen him in three years.
277. Wait...what brother?
278. Your last mate was a "checkmate".
279. Every year you nominate yourself for Homecoming Royalty and wonder why you never win.
280. "Anybody wanna play some cards?"
281. You show school spirit at the pep assemblies.
282. You are usually dressed more formal than your teachers.
283. When on vacation, you visit other schools.
284. You have races with your friends to see who can say the entire periodic table of elements the fastest.
285. You'd go into severe spasms if you ever lost your IB herd.
286. "There's a MALL in this town?!?!"
287. You are periodically annoyed when people confuse "allusion" and "illusion", and sometimes correct your teacher.
288. You see your Extended Essay advisor more than you see your parents.
289. You'd feel bad about not having a social life if only you could remember what it was like to have one.
290. You think "social life" refers to life in Soviet Bloc nations during the Cold War.
291. You talk in your sleep -- in Italian.
292. The only words you ever say in Spanish class are "No sé."
293. You are convinced that your "Baccalaureate Internationale professeur de français" thinks you're sexy. (misspelling of professeur--> it's not proffeur~)
294. Your "Baccalaureate Internationale professeur de français" DOES think you're sexy. (misspelling of professeur--> it's not proffeur~)
295. The only French you know is "J'aime manger du poisson." (le changed to du for proper grammer~)
296. You find all five errors so far in this section, unless at least one has been revised by one of you sneaky bastards.
297. You resort to communicating with classmates through a series of clicks because languages take too long.
298. You notice that there is a language consisting of clicks.
299. You already know that it's called Xhosa.
300. You just looked up Xhosa.
301. You love the "Macarena" not because it's a neat-o dance, but because you actually understand what those Spanish guys are saying.
302. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
303. You no longer speak English -- You speak a combination of English, German, Spanish, French, Portugese, Swedish, Dutch, Chinese, Russian, Norwegian, Hebrew, Arabic, Japanese, Korean, and Polish.
304. Fellow IBers understand and use the same combined language.
305. You convert it to 36-bit words converted to hexadecimal numbers to communicate as it is faster.
306. You write a text-to-speech program that uses this hexadecimal linguistic conglomerate.
307. You modify your text-to-speech program so that it also works as speech-to-text, and is eerily accurate.
308. You go into your Spanish oral on the Cuban Revolution and, when asked for you sources, produce Cuban sandwiches and cry out, "Sources? Sources? We don't need no stinkin' sources!" (actually happened!).
309. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
310. You scoff at others’ lowly TI-83s while you caress your TI-92+ with pride.
311. You debate physics during lunch…and you usually win.
312. You know the chemical composition of the ugly brown stains on the ceiling tiles.
313. Your calculators and/or backpacks are an extension of your body.
314. You say, "I so accurately measured the momentum of my homework that it could be anywhere."
315. Your backpack has an imprint of your back in what little remains of the padding.
316. Your last backpack broke because it couldn't handle the weight and volume of your books and binders. Yes, binders.
317. The "padded" straps on your backpack are padded everywhere except where your collarbones go.
318. You've set an Apple II and your TI in a race to see which one could count to infinity the fastest.
319. You took out the cheesy infinity code and substituted a Pi-calculating code.
320. Your TI won.
321. Better yet, you won, because you can name Pi to several hundred digits more than they could.
322. No, you definitely won, because you caught an error in both of the final results.
323. The Apple II was wrong by a larger amount.
324. You added a second motorola 68000 chip to your TI-89/92+ and overclocked them both to 50 MHz, which required rewriting all of #the TIOS, but it was accomplished the entire task in 4 study breaks.
325. You add support for RPN and multiple VGA monitors during the modifications.
326. Then you run your modified TI-89/92+ up against a 486DX4-100 linux box and you still win, with your TI coming in a far second.
327. You feel guilty if you go more than a week without homework or some form of schooling.
328. After getting a "B" on your Chemistry test, you decide to take out your anger on some TWA plane.
329. You're sad, because you can only take four HL tests.
330. You hack the school’s network and duplicate your records so that you can take another three HLs, then merge the records together after you take your senior IB exams.
331. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
332. You're so frustrated with IB that you sent package bombs to random people's houses and framed some Ted guy. (hey! I’m a Ted!)
333. You carry a protractor in your back pocket. (naah…that’s what cargo pockets are for besides calculators…)
334. You use a Casio instead of a TI
335. Chuck Norris feels inferior to your knowledge.
336. The Borg beg you to permit them to assimilate you.
337. You permit them to assimilate you, but only if you become part of Unimatrix Zero and the collective does not interfere with Unimatrix Zero ever again.
338. You see 0110 1001 0110 1001 and get horny.
339. You actually think you have a shot at passing the physics HL exam.
340. Your Theory of Knowledge class has you seriously thinking if Hitler was justified in killing those 6 million Jews.
341. You make a date to do homework together and you actually do.
342. You derive formulas for fun. From first principles.
343. The offer of bonus marks for combed hair results in a dramatic improvement in your appearance.
344. You write your "What is Truth?" ToK paper entirely in Newspeak.
345. You post said paper on your web server, which crashes two minutes later from the Slashdot Effect, even though you built it to withstand multiple Slashdottings at once.
346. you start walking in geometric circles
347. you start analyzing random books, song lyrics, and street signs
348. a good night's sleep is 5 hours
349. you have made up complicated metaphors relating your love life to a card game and have fun doing it
350. 16+2= ...wait let me get my graphing calculator!
351. the urge to shout "Sir, yes sir" overwhelms you and...you do it
352. the idea of "getting off on tangents" is hilariously funny
353. the word "switzerlish" makes more sense then "swiss"
354. the word "conspiricized" makes more sense that "conspired"... and then it takes you a couple of tries to get it right.
355. You correct your NIB friend when he says he's "factoring" his quadratic trinomial. Everyone knows the word is "factorising"!
356. you have the whole jargon file memorized, and cite it WAY too often
357. when you find mistakes in the yearbook you have to write the correction in every yearbook.
358. you labor under the impression that index cards are "handy dandy nifty difty"
359. you get high off of intellectualism (credit Sheryl Crow...)
360. you logically investigate the mystical powers of the phrase "wouldn't it be funny if..."
361. you find deep meaning in the words to "I Wanna Be Sedated "
362. you don't speak French, yet you compile a list of insults in French
363. You come up with Latin names for Pokemon, and classify the words under actual Latin noun declensions.
364. when reading "Les Mis." in French you spend the entire class period figuring out how to say "is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" en Français
365. you spell "am" wrong
366. You noticed that 21 and 109 are the same.
367. it takes you 3 days to get this joke: Q: You know what? A: No, introduce me.
368. you write stories and give them to other people to analyze for you because you don't understand them
369. you wear a pair of antennae (deedleyboppers) on your head and think you're a water molecule
370. That last sentence made you cringe, and you felt the urge to whip out a red pen until you realized those only work on papers and posters.
371. you get brownie points with your chemistry teacher for the above
372. you forget the meaning of the words "free time" yet remember the meaning of "mantic" (n. )
373. you have complicated dreams about graphing circles and ellipses
374. you start a Scrabble Club. wait...that's a bad thing?
375. Feudal War is the only card game worthy of IBers
376. You walk in the movement patterns of a knight to improve your chess strategy while you nap on your way to your next class.
377. you have theological discussions at parties
378. you have theoretical physics discussions at parties
379. the number on your screen name corresponds to the page number that character you use for your screen name has an appearance in the book you got it from
380. you understand above the first time you read it
381. whenever you're watching a movie you find all the motifs and themes...without trying
382. you start to laugh hysterically when you're writing a bibliography because a book has TWO authors
383. you find juxtaposition in places you shouldn't be looking for it
384. you spend all your time complaining about your work, then do it hurriedly because you want to get to bed and don't know where all the time went
385. you brag that you only got 2 hours of sleep last night
386. you have Amsco parties
387. you write a two page answer to a one sentence question
388. you look forward to arguing
389. you enjoy complaining and scaring underclassmen (yeah, and they gave us 500 pages of History, but I managed to do that even though my back is now permanently damaged by the weight of my backpack, and the track bugs almost got me so I was exhausted from running... etc.)
390. you weren't kidding.
391. you have no idea who the drug dealers are, or which students are probably concealing weapons
392. you consider sweet tarts, chocolate, and caffeine drugs (so actually, you DO know who the drug dealers are, in a way...)
393. you love telling your boyfriend/girlfriend the story your math teacher told you
394. you give out fliers announcing that you're going to the movies
395. movies??? What are they???
396. when writing down decimals, you don't understand why you can't write them to the 14th decimal place
397. you feel sorry for the chemicals in chemistry class
398. your math teacher is telling you a story and you say "that could never happen, the light bulb would burn out" and it MAKES SENSE
399. this number means something: 42
400. your brain is such a pile of mush that you carry around a teddy bear so you don't start shaking in the middle of class
401. you are already planning where your lockers will be next year
402. at least 4 of your classes (history, english, ToK, psychology) are talking about almost the same thing, or at least you think they are ...it could be an illusion...maybe you're not in class at all...
403. 7 classes means seven classes
404. the longest you can go without caffeine is less than 6 hours...okay, okay, less than 2 hours.. an NIB, known as Issy, can also do this
405. you faithfully copy words without vowels in them, yet somehow understand them
406. you still don't have a schedule after a week of school
407. your teachers taunt each other and/or hit themselves on the head with markers or water bottles
408. it's TWICE as amusing to have TWO of SOMETHING than one of it
409. it's THREE times as amusing to have THREE of SOMETHING (julie...!)
410. the wall really IS there! (Mr. Baron PROVED it...CLUNK!)
411. rolling down hills is an appropriate math project
412. you start overanalyzing the rainbows on people's clothing
413. you write a newsletter half in Latin
414. your Physics teacher knows how to say "outstanding" in over 30 languages, yet chooses"cool beans!"
415. you can actually apply physics to everyday life.
416. you need a graphing calculator to bake
417. you're disappointed when you only get 100% on a test
418. you're smarter than all your teachers...no, that just means you're in public school
419. you relax vicariously through your non-IB friends (what non-IB friends???)
420. you forget to breathe
421. you realize the IB drop outs are smarter than you are (they are???)
422. you utilize semi-advanced computer technology to make stupid web pages like this one!
423. writing poetry is your idea of a good time
424. you feel guilty after cheating in a test
425. it takes too long so you write a program to generate intelligible haikus and win a programming challenge on dotcomma
426. you have a better love life on the computer than in real life (no,that just means you're more (technologically) intelligent than most people)
427. this number means something to you...something you haven't followed up on yet: 69
428. you write parodies of Faulkner's work for fun
429. you attempt to do your extended essay on Dr. Seuss
430. you translate a Dr. Seuss book, such as Green Eggs and Ham, into Latin, just for the hell of it
431. your idea of a 3am party game is analyzing the socio-political commentary in Dr. Seuss
432. you complain about studying for your foreign language exam...in multiple foreign languages
433. you have a thought, and it hurts.
434. you have a hurt, and it thinks.
435. your main addiction is to sleep...and you're always experiencing withdrawal.
436. you get angry at someone for being late so you can't copy their homework.
437. you get angry at your lab partner for forcing you to stay up late, waiting for his/her e-mail so you can finish Group 4
438. your backpack is heavier than you are.
439. you realize that something is missing when your backpack feels too light.
440. You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing you've said it before.
441. you complain that you can't store notes on your graphing calculator for the IB English exam.
442. you get a smug satisfaction out of f-f-f-finally remembering the word "fovea" (or f-f-f-forgetting "Fundamental Laws")
443. you use logic to justify the color of your nail polish.
444. you can't enjoy a heart-warming cartoon because the French grammar is wrong.
445. the most peer pressure you have recently experienced is someone trying to get you to eat potato chips.
446. You overanalyze They Might Be Giants songs
447. Your favorite song is Barenaked Ladies’ "Who Needs Sleep" (or is it your anthem?)
448. Your project is still due in a few hours
449. Your english essay was quickly done on the back of a cereal box during breakfast because you had no paper on the way to school to write on.
450. You had no time to finish your TOK paper during math class because the biology homework due yesterday took up all your time in English.
451. The numbers '24' up to and including '45' will never be the same again.
452. You know the difference between motive and motif
453. You DON'T want to miss class
454. You have a massive nervous breakdown, post seizure effects, and minor head trauma and you weren't even in school that day, nor did you skip.
455. You also think that you are completely okay after enduring said medical problems.
456. If you fall 2 weeks behind in the autumn, you'll be doing make-up work until the very end of the year
457. You think getting a D means you passed.
458. Your locker is jammed and your backpack, when laid down, is half as tall as you, and there still isn't enough room!
459. You are more than used when your NIB friends make fun of you
460. your idea of a "girls' night out" is when you get together to review the Cold War
461. You're actually jealous when NIB tell you they went to a concert, a party or a bar
462. when you go out partying (IF you go) you can't stop thinking in all the biology lesson you have to memorize for your mock test
463. at said social event, you choose to write an extra-credit biology paper on the psychological effects of the drugs on your friends
464. you feel part of something when you read you're not the only stupid doing IB
465. you get continuous nervous breakdowns
466. you wanted to have more than 15 minutes for your english oral
467. you're already in bed (at 4am when you wake up at 6am) and you realise you left your computer on. You get out of bed to turn it off and to make sure you'll have a complete battery for the next day
468. you can type 100 words per minute in a coma
469. you don't even have to look at the letters while writing in your computer
470. you enjoy your extra anthropology classes
471. you really think someone cares whether alutiiqs or skolt lapps suffered a major culture change
472. you see your teachers more often than your parents
473. you like to suffer, or shall I say, you love "challenges"
474. you fool yourself saying the "habits" IB taught you will accompany you in college
475. you get high with an enormous quantity of coffee
476. you know the difference between suppression, oppression and repression
477. you actually look at this and memorize every word
478. you think "NBA" is some sort of formula you have never seen before, so you actually find what N, B, and A equals
479. you are reading this
480. You get a B in a class and consider yourself a failure
481. You believe death IS freedom
482. you can figure out what frscrndsvnyrsg actually says and means (Yes it is a phrase with now vowels and it does mean something)
483. You have thought about making a Tshirt that says:" You Know You're In IB WHEN..." and on the back there would be things from this list
484. you made a list of your own to put on the back of the Tshirt but then you lost it in a fight with your homework
485. you this read have and compelled this to fix felt
486. you actually read this whole list
487. You actually read this whole page.
488. you look at poo and tried to falsify it by eating it
489. You talk dirty to your girl/boyfriend using lab terms in the passive voice.
490. The sale of some of your art supplies is actually forbidden to minors
491. You relate freedom with answering a question of Maths HL
492. You find it disturbing to have free time, later realising you still have work to do.
493. You have seven windows of EE related research at the bottom of the page begging for attention, but instead you are reading this list for the sole reason that things just don't feel right if you dont wait until the last possible moment to complete them.
494. You can't ride your bike with no handlebars.
495. You don't get the above...
496. yet, the double negative in the sentence two lines above this one bothers the fark out of you.
497. You enjoy fark.com.
498. You prefer to make programs in binary, because you dislike the "limitations" of high-level computer languages.
499. You laugh at someone trying to divide by zero.
500. You write the 500th item in this list
501. You concur.
502. "Oh Canada" gets stuck in your head
503. You begin to talk like an 18th century englishman
504. You dream of Elizabeth Bennet and wake up with a wet spot on your bed near your pelvis
505. You start editing Uncyclopedia
506. Y hv n prblm rdng Nglsh txt wtht ny vwls
507. You actually know what the IM slang 'jfgi' means
508. If not, you just looked it up, ironically using the same method that the phrase encourages
509. You see the irony in that
510. You see Detriot Edison's slogan 'E=DTE' and realize that D and T must be reciprocals of each other
511. you think. Therefore you are.
512. You avidly play the game (and just lost)
513. You care that you just lost
514. You hunt down the jerk responsible for #497 (and write the next thing on this list, DO IT NOW!)
515. You edit this because you said: "WHERE'S NUMBER 500?!"
516. You prefer use windows instead of doors.
517. You lose the ability to spell any word before or when writing the conclusion of any project
518. When someone says "truth" you think on TOK.
519. You prefer do homework on the school that at your place.
520. You compare colors to bitmap resolutions.
521. You were thinking of a perfect sentence to write in that list while you were reading it.
522. Murder is the new black.
523. You STILL don't know what a knowledge issue is.
524. You wish you'd started this list.
525. You're unable to reminisce upon the last occurrence of the infrequent phenomenon of bodily repose.
526. You commonly use the vocabulary in 510.
527. You are constantly jealous of people taking other subjects because you hate all your subjects
528. You actually think that IB is greater than VCE.
529. You archived this section on three flash drives so you could restore it after some idiot deleted the article.
530. You completely forgot that you have to hand your TOK essay in tommorrow because you just spent an hour reading this list. (thanks alot)
531. Your quite proud that you share your birthday with the IB.
532. You dont have the time or energy to drop out or kill yourself.
533. You think you choose the hardest TOK essay question.
534. You know the meaning of life (see above for details)
535. When playing pool you think about the kinetics of the pool balls and discuss them with your playing partner, who hasn’t got a clue what you are on about!
536. youre girlfriend uses words in a text message only the 1950's Oxford dictionary acknowledges.
537. You're at the carnival and while waiting in line you try to calculate the rate of acceleration of the rollercosters.
538. You have 2 labs due that are worth 50% of your IB science Portfolio and you're adding to this stupid list
539. You contract an illness which overwrites any other illness so you are well enough to learn more, until the week before your exams then you immediately become ill for the whole period of your final exams
540. You read this whole list, then sent it to all of your IB friends, who all told you that they had too much homework to read it. They then spent the next hour remarking to you periodically about how all of these were true, and which ones were the funniest. Then you added some of your own
541. your desk, computer, higher level physics book, library. refrigerator and bed are all in hands reach.
542. You actually get more work done on the way to school than the whole 2 nights before
543. You will read this list again.
544. You've finished reading this.
545. When asked why you're in IB, you have no clue why.
546. When I say "10011010 10010101 00101101?" and you reply "01011000 11010010 00101001."~
547. When you (and all your classmates) jack off to the number 7.~
548. If you read all of these, added your own, laughed at it, realized how pathetic it was, changed it, laughed again and added some ToK to it so it is logically sound (if that's possible.)
549. If you read this page and become entertained.
550. When you read this page, you think of how utterly depressing your life really is, then don't care because it just gave you a new idea for your TOK essay
551. You are scared to death to even be one nanosecond late for anyclass. Therefore, you have plotted the fastest course between classes.
552. you use the words therefore and thus when speaking.
553. When you have school-assigned reading material stashed in the bathroom so that you won't waste any time.
554. You have to do the practice problems shown here, but for real-http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Intelligent_Math
555. You reminisce about the days when you only had assignments due every second day.
556. You read your textbook cover to cover and realise you could probably add to it.
557. Are planning to come into school totally pissed on the last day, only to realise that you haven't been pissed for so long that you are physically incapable of doing so.
558. When playing with your graphing calculator replaces masturbation.
559. Your parents boast that their son/daughter is in IB but have no idea what it's about.
560. You know the codes to hack your TI calculator but you can't memorize your own phone number.
561. Every time you go to open you front door, you calculate how long it takes for all the tumblers to fall and then calculate how long it takes you to realize that you are talking to yourself with a key in your hand outside your front door.
562. You are constantly thinking, what if i failllllll!
563. You think IB is better then IBT
564. You realize that the content of the Macarena song is NOT for children to learn from.
565. You fantasize about Oscar's Mom.
566. You spend most of your afternoon drowned in research for ToK, attempting to finish that Biology lab, and laying in your pool of drool only to realize it is 2 A.M. and you have ToK first thing in the morning.
567. You completely forget that ToK is a class, it is instead the way of LIFE!

Read More

My Dear Brother

By: Desy Kristianti

My older brother hated me. He never cared about me. He always abused me. He once pushed me when we were walking downstairs, and as a result, I must spend the rest of my whole life in a wheelchair. I got paralysed. Not only that, he once tried to lock me in my room when the house was on fire, knowing that I could not walk nor run. Since then I got a phobia of fire. He has also tried to kill me by throwing a knife towards my head. I was grateful that God had once saved my life.

It had been 7 years after I got married. My ex-wife wanted me to move to her country, so it was quite hard for me to reach my family, including my brother. Now, since my wife had passed away, I had nothing else to do in her country. So I would like to go back and live with my family again.

I just wanted to surprise my family a little bit, so I decided not to tell them that I was going back. I finally saw my house. There were some slight changes, but our memories were still there inside. I rang the bell several times, but nobody came to open the door. I tried to call the home phone number, but nobody answered. “What the hell is happening?” I wondered. I looked around and saw an old man who was probably a neighbour. I waved my hand and he waved back.

“Are you Daniel?” the old man asked me.

“Yes, I am. I am Daniel Peterson, the youngest son of the family who lived in this house. Do you know whether they still live in here?”

“Oh, yes, they do. How come you do not know where your own family lives?” he asked me suspiciously. I regretted not telling my family that I was going back.

“Oh I wanted to surprise them that I am going back, so yeah...”

“Surprise them? Do you not know that your brother just became blinded??”

“What??? Are you kidding me???”

“Oh young man... I am already very old, why should I joke about a serious problem?”

“OK! OK! Then do you know in which hospital he is now??? Could you please bring me there?”

“Sure, Mr Peterson. Let me drive your wheelchair.”

10 minutes walking down the street, I could see the hospital already. I gave the old man some dollars for bringing me here, because he kept talking about his hunger on the way here. I entered the hospital and looked for my brother’s room. Once I got there, I saw the doctor was talking to my brother and my parents. I overheard the conversation. My brother needed an eye donor as soon as possible for his business’ reason, and the doctor did not have one at the moment. I did not dare to continue overhearing, so I decided to wait outside, and talk to the doctor myself later on.

The next day, my brother underwent surgery on his eyes. When he could see properly again, the doctor passed him a letter. Here is what the letter said:

“Dear David,
When you read this letter, I would probably have been in heaven. I am the one who donated my eyes to you. I hope you would be happy to have my eyes. You do not need to pay me, or give me anything in return. What I want you to do is just to love our parents, and never abuse other people, like what you did to me when we were young. I wish you all the best. May God bless you in every second of your life.
With a sincere love,
Daniel Peterson.”

He eventually cried. He visited my grave with my parents. He regretted being very mean to me, and he went to make my parents live happily ever after.

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