I am grateful for... Self-confidence

Last month a friend recommended an improv course to me. Honestly I had no idea what improv really meant. As far as I was aware, it involves making things up on the spot, being creative and saying whatever we have in mind impromptu.

Those who have worked with me would know that I am not the most articulate person when it comes to answering questions on the spot. If it is a good day I end up answering with poor structure or diction, but if it is a bad day I end up stuttering a lot of "erm"s here and there, and not even making any relevant point. I would feel too forced to speak as soon as possible instead of allowing my brain to process all the information, order my train of thoughts and come up with a solid, comprehensible answer.

That is only one of the reasons why I am scared of public speaking. Heck, I still tremble with fear when I become the centre of attention I bet the whole room could see my hands shake. On top of that, my creative side does not come out as often as I wish it could, and I am too much of a perfectionist to be able to give a speech on the spot without enough preparation.

I thought to myself, it will be a long shot, but this course sounds very useful for someone like me. Who knows maybe it could help me be more confident in public speaking and improve in any of the above aspects. Otherwise at least it would be fun and I get to meet new people, which I always enjoy. So I looked up the course information on the website, but was not convinced that I had the motivation to commit to such a course. I decided to leave it as I did not want to invest in something and end up quitting before it finishes.

Then came the new year. I got myself a passion planner for 2018 and the first thing the planner asked me to do was spend 5 mins, imagine that the planner contained a magical paper wherein anything I write would come true, and write down my goals for the next 3 months, 1 year, 3 years and my lifetime. This task got to me real hard as the first thing that crossed my mind was my childhood dream which I am too embarrassed to reveal on this blog, but also for which I have made zero progress to get there because I assumed I lack the talent and creativity to achieve it. However, I wrote it down anyway and so many other great goals came up that I spent more like 10-15 minutes writing them all down.

It was then that I decided I wanted to commit to doing more creative things from this year on. I started watching the online photography course that I bought two years ago, spend a few hours photo-hunting in Belfast, looked up singing and salsa courses, and signed up to a choir trial session. Honestly this is the most exciting chapter of my life as I finally get to exercise my creativity, explore my potential and push beyond my limits. Something I never thought I would actually pursue.

It was not until yesterday that I figured out I had nothing to do on a weekday evening in London. It is the first week of January and I finally got back to work after the Christmas and New Year's holiday. Naturally I hit up the Meetup app and see what's on in London. A few meetups sounded interesting but one caught my attention in particular: Improvisation for Self-Confidence. Aha! It reminded me of the course that my friend had recommended to me before. The meetup description appealed to me immediately as it sounded exactly like what I'm looking for. Plus if I end up liking it I could come back and attend regularly. Awesome!

After work and dinner, I went to the meetup and saw a good attendance of around 20-25 people. The host already came across hilarious and friendly in the first 2 minutes so that was a good sign. He was able to lead the group to do seemingly uncomfortable activities without the awkwardness! We went through a variety of exercises which encouraged eye contact, moving our body, making sounds and noises, saying random things, acting, talking in front of strangers, and certainly a lot of creativity. Check out Improvisation Fun on Meetup if you want to join them next time http://meetu.ps/c/2Mqhr/n70fb/a

When I got home I still had so much excitement and energy I started telling my friends about this meetup and inviting them to the next one. Only then did I realise how many people might be uncomfortable at this meetup. Even at that session there were a few attendees who seemed like they pushed themselves really hard out of their comfort zones, and I was very proud of them for having turned up that night at all. Similarly I understand people who would avoid this meetup at all costs and I wouldn't force them to go if they didn't want to. But I like to imagine that deep inside they really wanted someone to give them that extra push to do something like this and they would end up enjoying it more than they thought they would.

Looking back, I know that I was once in their shoes and hated being the centre of attention. Even one year ago, I used to dislike giving presentations or speeches and thought I was no good. However, I have to say that I have come so far to get to where I am now, and it was only through attending a lot of meetups and meeting new people that I have grown. Remembering those times, I just realised my self-confidence has improved so much especially in the past half a year. It almost feels like I am a different person - a truer version of me and I am proud of myself for that.

It goes without saying that I still have a long way to go and am nowhere near confident yet, but everyone has their own journey in life. It is only fair for me to compare who I am now to who I used to be in the past - not to other people. Through these improv meetups and other creative courses I am going to pick up this year, I hope to grow my confidence even more.

(Photo credit: Brooke Lark on Unsplash)

For some reason I really wanted to share this with others so I decided to write this long story on my blog and potentially start a series of "I am grateful for..." posts. Sometimes it is worth pausing for a minute to look at where you are today and compare that with where you were one year ago, and see how far you have come or what you could still improve. Give yourself some credit, reward yourself and identify some key actions to take your goals even further.

What are you grateful for today? Well done for getting to where you are now - and keep fighting to get to the next step.

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Why breakups are good

First and foremost, don't get me wrong. I hate breakups. It marks the end of something that you had invested your time and emotions in. Post breakups, you wake up as a different person, living a different life without this person who used to be a large part of it. And you hate change.

Some breakups end in tears, some end in relief. It may end something that was unhealthy, or conclude a joyful journey. Either way, it changes your life, for worse or for better.

I used to spend all my time with this person. We had dinner together, went to the movies together, exercised together, travelled together, and so on and so forth... Every time I feel like trying something new, I have someone to share that experience with. Every time I feel happy, I have someone to celebrate with. Every time I feel sad, I have a shoulder to cry on. It got to the point where I need someone to spend my time with, or I would feel miserable.

I happen to travel for work from Mondays to Thursdays so I am used to spending my time alone in the evenings. However, the fact that someone was waiting for me back home and that I had something to look forward to at the weekends, was what kept me going. It is hard not having someone to pass time with, but what is even harder is when you realise that you cannot survive being on your own.

I cannot imagine being alone, all by myself, both when I am away working and when I am back at home. There are new restaurants, movies, events and places that I want to visit, but now I have noone to share that experience with. Doing things by myself is not really something that I knew how to do.

And then it hit me. That dish I used to cook every day - is it really my favourite dish, or did I like it just because this other person liked it? That movie I sat through when I was tired - did I really want to see it, or was he just dragging me to accompany him? That present I got from him - did it really impress me, or was I just being grateful? (Author's note: these do not necessarily reflect how I felt about my past relationship and were designed to have a varied range of statements)

I looked at myself and thought: what are the things I had always wanted to do but never had the chance to? I never got around to doing it because I was always spending my time with someone else. I was too busy learning about this other person I didn't get to discover myself. I barely spent any time with my friends because I wanted to be there with this one person. Now when I lose him, I still don't know the things I wanted to learn how to do before I met him, and I have no other people to share with because I had only ever invested my time in that relationship.

I guess breakups are good opportunities to rediscover who you really are. What you really like doing and what you really want to do. It can be tough, and sometimes I wish I could turn back time and return to the relationship, but the feeling you get when you discover something new about yourself will make it all well worth the pain.

Or so, I hope. Tell me when you find out.

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10 things to do in my 20s

I have recently finished university and I'm turning 22 by the end of the year.

For many people, university can be a very rewarding chapter in their lives where they learn new things, challenge themselves, and discover their self-identity.

For some, it could be a very eye-opening experience.

Maybe they learned more about their own strengths and weaknesses. Maybe they discovered new passion. Or maybe they realised they are not studying a field they completely enjoy, and potentially found other subjects of interest.

I certainly identify in all those groups.


When I finished my undergrad in Maths in 2015, I found that university maths is very different from high school maths, and it's not exactly something that I enjoyed the most. It reminded me of my IB-DP years where I considered studying Engineering and subsequently Computer Science. I've always wanted to learn how to program. I was 20 and I still had not been able to code. At the time technology was the "in" thing, and I really wanted to try the path I had not chosen before.

So I took a Master's conversion course where I learned basic computing concepts and programming techniques. I realised it was more aligned to my interests and certainly something I am passionate in.

However, my experience interning at a tech startup really hit me.


We were a very small team of around 6 people. At a startup, you have to do a little bit of everything. I was mainly developing the front-end and UX as well as scripting many of the functionalities. But I also volunteered to be involved in marketing and learned a bit of the project management side of things.

Little did I know how interesting that would be.

I've always been the kind of person to point out when things aren't running orderly or efficiently. I like making plans (with a degree of flexibility) and deciding how things should be better ran.

That made me realise I didn't just want to be a programmer. I want to be involved in planning what's being programmed and why. I enjoy thinking about the different ways to approach a challenge and figuring out which solution would be the most favourable given the objectives and constraints.

Eventually I find myself entering a career in the consulting world. I'm starting as an analyst in Technology Consulting, and I'm really excited to re-discover myself at this new chapter in my life.

However, the past few months haven't only been about that.


I regained my passion in reading and my interest in writing. I came across a mobile app for reading stories as an interactive game, called Episode. To cut the story short, I started writing my own story with two young authors.

It wasn't the easiest journey either. We've only got one episode down so far (which is about 20 mins read on average). The feedback we've received from friends who beta-read was stellar, but if I could be honest I personally am still not 100% happy with it. Though I reckon we'll be okay just kicking off with that and continuing the story.

I also had to lead the team and ensure each person can grow in this opportunity. My two teammates are both very young and I'd like them to be part of something challenging - an experience that doesn't only let them unleash their creativity but perhaps also lets them figure out new things about themselves and decide where to go with that.

But no, I'm not gonna say I'd want to pursue a career in writing at this point. (I don't! I played more of a director role in the team anyway rather than a script writer role. Which I absolutely love, btw! But I'm still learning and wouldn't call myself an expert.) However, I also realised that I have so many other interests that I had dropped over the past 21 years or so.


Singing, photography, playing ukulele, cooking, writing and drawing, to name a few. I've tried doing them but never found myself particularly good at any of it.

Playing games, building games, or developing my own mobile apps are also high on my wish-to-do list.

And I recently discovered that I enjoy travelling very much. Though maybe it was mostly due to the great company and delicious food.

However, how much of this can I seriously do at the same time? Learning one thing at a time is already challenging - not to mention learning a million different things at once. But then, how can I figure out which one(s) of these goals I should pursue right now?

The clock is ticking and I'm only getting older. I want to do these things while I'm still fit to quickly learn new things and adapt to changes.


Last year, I decided to pursue a lost dream by challenging myself to take a degree in CompSci. Luckily, it all turned out well and I found it was indeed something that I enjoyed and am good at (to a certain extent).

Who knows, maybe I too could be good at writing or drawing if I tried?

I was just talking about this with a new colleague yesterday and he believed that anyone can be good at something as long as they patiently try and practise. However, an ex-colleague once mentioned that it is sometimes better to improve on something that you're already somewhat good at rather than trying to become half good in something you're not skilled at.

So... What should I do?


This is such a volatile time in my life. There are so many opportunities and choices. I want to spend my spare time doing something that I'll cherish with no regrets.

Writing this post has tremendously helped me reflect back on it. I honestly don't have a definitive answer to that last question, but hopefully I'll find out sooner or later.

Thus far, I've had a fantastic time being 21 and certainly wouldn't want it to end. How much will I be able to accomplish before I turn 22?

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Can You Make a Living out of Music?

I was in Covent Garden for dinner at a burger chain. It was an open seating space. I could hear music from the open basement area. They play rather lovely music I would say. As I was finishing my meal, I decided to take a look at the beautiful faces of the people who play this beautiful music. I went to watch from upstairs.

(Note: photo credits go to Capco and Lady Jerez respectively. I do not own them nor were they taken the day I visited. I hope they make it clear what the place looked like!)

It was a group of violinists. They're good! I thought I'd stay a couple more minutes for another song or two. Then I heard a group of ladies next to me say: "They're not here for the music, they're here for the money!"

Whoa. What are they talking about?

Just after that, I saw a guy approached me and asked if I would like to make a donation for the musicians. I politely declined. He was being pushy. "Not even 2p? Not a 20p?" I shook my head.

"It's only free if you don't have conscience!" he yelled and walked away.

What?! Is that how they treat their audience? I was happily enjoying their music and then this guy approached me and totally ruined my mood.

Now I get what those ladies were talking about, who have obviously left before I finally did too.

Okay, I'm not gonna defend myself for not making a donation here. That's gonna be another long post. The point is: these musicians were not there for the music, they were there for the money.

I think it's a shame they're doing this. Everyone could clearly see a donation box next to where the musicians were standing as well as a pile of albums and a sign that says "£10" basically inviting us to buy their album. That's perfectly fine for me, but I don't feel they needed to send a team member to approach all the audience and ask for a donation. Especially telling people off when they don't make one!

I often see musicians on the tube stations or on the road performing and promoting their albums, but I really appreciate the ones who also put a sign with a link to their website or YouTube channel. They're clearly there for the music. They want people to hear their music and see their passion. And I totally respect them for that.

On the other hand, surely nothing in the world is free. These people need to make money in order to survive. It is true that approaching individual audience will increase their earnings, but is it that important for them?

Do they want their audience to give them money because they enjoy the good music they make, or because they feel bad being asked directly to pay a donation (especially if you risk being told off when you don't donate!)?

I believe that people who are truly passionate about what they do will know how to prioritise the different things they want in life, whereas the ones who don't will only be chasing figures.

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How to Free Up Space in Linux

I had a long, tiring day today.

As some of you may know, I finally installed Ubuntu alongside Windows in January and also upgraded to Windows 10 recently. I really like Ubuntu and started hating Windows which takes so long to boot up and ages to install updates.

Today I tried installing LaTeX-related packages on my Ubuntu partition as it was required for a coursework, but ended up running out of space. Before this I would usually write LaTeX documents on my Windows partition, but since I've been using Ubuntu a lot more recently, I thought it would be convenient to be able to do everything in my Ubuntu machine.

I guess it was my fault. At the very beginning I only allocated 26.8 GB for my Ubuntu partition. God knows how much space I was supposed to allocate to it though! As a result my machine was unable to boot at all. I could only see a blank screen. I panicked and tried to find a way to give my Ubuntu partition more space, which isn't possible since I have 4 partitions already. Damn you Lenovo! I suppose I could back it up on a DVD or something and then reinstall, but I don't have a free DVD with me right now and I can't wait that long to fix this!

My biggest concern was that I was doing my other coursework in my Ubuntu machine, and I was stupid enough not to push it to GitLab or make any backup at all. I don't think I'll be able to redo it before the deadline as I have to run "experiments" and collect data, which took me two days to do and I still have a ton of work left. Now that I can't log in to my Ubuntu machine I have no access to it and I don't wanna redo the coursework!!

Fortunately though it turned out that I was able to access the files on my Ubuntu partition from my Windows machine, and I had to delete a ton of unnecessary files. After that I could boot up Ubuntu but it keeps complaining I'm running out of space and I have no idea what to do.

I ended up removing a lot of files off Dropbox, university work, and some packages that I installed for God knows what. I was still curious as to reallocate more space into Ubuntu and spent hours trying out so many different ways I found on the internet to no avail.

I gave up and logged in to Ubuntu in the hope of being able to uninstall more irrelevant stuff to free up space. I then found two useful packages that I installed (in order to get more stuff uninstalled, yeah, sounds about right). Let me share my findings with you.

1. Synaptic Package Manager

Synaptic Package Manager is able to give a comprehensive list of all possible Linux packages out there and tell you which ones you have installed, as well as help you completely remove them.

To install: sudo apt-get install synaptic

2. BleachBit

BleachBit can help you delete temp files, log files, cache, trash, and all that stuff.

To install: sudo apt-get install bleachbit

Those two guys completely saved my life. Oh, and this guide too: How to remove everything related to TeX Live.

In the end I am able to get 11.1 GB free space in my Ubuntu partition. I was unable to install anything LaTeX related though. This means I'll have to switch to Windows every now and then to type up my coursework and dissertation in LaTeX. Or maybe I'll back up my Ubuntu and resize my partition.

... Most likely the former.

I hope you find this guide helpful, if not a little entertaining. I had a miserable day. I hope this guide can solve your problem before your day gets too miserable. Or at least I'll let this cute dancing potato cheer you up a bit.

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I Like Being Competitive, It's Healthy Sometimes

I got an email this afternoon saying that I passed the first round of Search For A Star, a competition to find talented final year university students in game development.

I was pleasantly surprised! I honestly didn't expect to get shortlisted as I felt that my performance in the first round wasn't particularly amazing.

It was a one-hour C++ coding challenge with around 10 algorithmic questions. My department emailed us about this competition like three times and I thought it looked interesting, so I joined in for fun. I thought this would be a great opportunity to hone my coding skills too. The first questions are actually basic algorithms, which I'm lucky to have taken an algorithm course in my undergrad study, but the rest are a little more challenging.

In my personal opinion, some of the questions aren't very hard to solve but my limited coding experience made me spend more time thinking about how to code it correctly and efficiently. Some other questions do require more thinking though. At the end I was only able to finish half the number of questions.

 I was actually glad I took the test as it exposed me to different ways of manipulating strings which I have yet to master. I learned from experience not to overestimate my capabilities and be more realistic, which might in turn lower my confidence at times, and I thought I wouldn't pass that round but I was happy I had participated.

To my surprise I got an email saying I'm through to the next round! I couldn't believe it!

This feeling though...

It's been a long time since I felt this way. A sense of accomplishment, a sense of satisfaction, a sense of winning... Finally, I was able to do something that I thought I couldn't do. I was able to do something better than others could (although surely a lot of people did much much better than I had). For once, I was good enough and I could be proud of myself!

For some, this may just be a usual part of their life, but for me, it totally made my day.

I started getting serious about this competition and went to find out more about this event. I wondered how many people were selected to the second round. I later found on Twitter that 100 people were shortlisted! Yay! That makes me feel really special and I'm getting really really excited to go to the next round. Not to beat other contestants, but to gain yet another experience and learn new stuff.

If I get the information correctly, the second round will give me the opportunity to build my own game on Unity. That's one of the coolest things ever! Back at the start of term 1, I actually wanted to join the GameDev Society at my university, but the meeting times always clashed with other events so I missed it. I'm really excited that I have a motivation now for learning Unity. Just so you know, I've always wanted to build my own game! Hopefully this time I'll be able to tick that off my bucket list. :)

However, sometimes I wonder...

Is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Is it wrong for me to feel satisfied over "winning"?

It reminds me of my high school years. I was very academically competitive. I always wanted to be the best in class, be the most favourite student, and I would be unsatisfied if someone got a better grade than me. Yeah, I was arrogant af. In my defense though, people said I was very hardworking. So I guess I deserve some credit for the effort? :P

Anyway yes, I learned over the years that we can't always be the best, especially when you go to university. I went to a rather small high school. My graduating class had less than 20 students. There were some competition, but certainly not as much compared to other, bigger schools. It wasn't too hard to stand out. Our teachers knew every student. To make things worse, one of the subjects I took only had 4 students. Of course that's no reason for me to be highly competitive, but I guess I was raised in such a way that shaped me like so. I thought doing well at school was the only thing I needed to do. Or rather, I thought it was the only thing I could do to make my parents happy.

Coming to university, I was placed in a community where everyone is studying the subject they like or do well at. It's not like my literature class in school where half of us didn't even understand what's going on and had no choice but to take that class. At university, everyone was there because they're good at it, and everyone else is also good at it.

With my competitive nature, I was completely overthrown by how amazing other people on my course were. I thought I was good enough. I thought I was capable enough. But I was just a small fish in a big pond.

I didn't know what to do in that situation. I fell apart. I lost my confidence. I didn't even know who I was anymore. It was probably the hardest phase in my life.

Ever since then, I learned to set my expectations low. When you only expect a little but accomplish so much, you get to feel a great sense of satisfaction. I liked that feeling. When you expect so much but accomplish so little, it feels completely terrible. (Or at least for me it does!)

I guess my self esteem has only gone down much lower due to that. I tend to think, am I good enough to be able to do this? Am I capable of doing so much?

Am I enough?

I don't like this feeling. But I do like it very much when I find that I have accomplished something better than my expectations. That's why this Search For A Star competition means a lot to me, and I'm gonna try my best in the next round. Even if I don't pass, I'm sure it'll be a great learning experience, and I'm really happy already to know that I passed the first round. :) (Ah, there I go making low expectations again!)

Disclaimer: I tried as much as possible to write every sentence in this blog post without sounding very cocky, coz that's really not the intention here. But if I do, please forgive me! Thank you for your understanding!

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Why Social Media Makes Me Awkward

On my routine of checking social media apps on my phone today, I found out I got a new follower on Instagram. Normally I get one or two random followers upon posting a photo, but most likely they just want a follow back and will unfollow within a week or so if I don't do it. This is different. A friend in real life just followed me on Instagram! How unusual!

Okay, it's not like 99% of my Instagram followers are strangers, but when I get a new follower, they are either the aforementioned or friends who just joined Instagram recently. This finding got me thinking: how did this friend find my Instagram account? Did they see my Instagram post on Facebook and followed me from there? Or did they have so much free time in hand they actually used the "Find Friends" feature on Instagram? But why? Is there a hidden motive or is this just a random occurrence that I may ignore?

Look, of course getting a new follower is a pleasure, and I do not mind this person following me at all. I even followed them back! But my point is: what they did is something I'm really unlikely to do. I find it awkward. Because if I just follow my friend on Instagram without asking the person, I'm scared they will think all the above thoughts. See what I mean now?

Sometimes a thought comes across my mind when I look at my friends' Instagram profile and find that they have thousands of followers, compared to my mere 400 followers. How could that be? How can I have so few followers compared to my friends? I'm not the type to follow strangers on social media (anymore! *blush*) so following random accounts who do #followforfollow won't work. Maybe I could find my friends on Instagram and follow them, secretly hoping they'll know who I am and be kind enough to follow back.

But... Would they be okay with that? I don't really know this person all that well... Maybe they wouldn't really want me to follow them and see their photos? Ah well, just follow them and see I guess. But wait! What if they think I'm stalking them? They could think that I have a crush on them or something. NONONO let's not do this. I'd rather have fewer followers than being branded as a stalker!

The same concern occurred on Facebook too. You know that little section on the home page suggesting people you may know? Yes. That one. It makes me go "whoa I have hundreds of mutual friends with this person I think I've met them once or twice at some event but should I really add them as a friend or actually will they even remember meeting me or at least if they forgot my name hopefully they recognise my face but there is a possibility they completely forgot and don't know that I exist and think I'm a random stranger who added them just to get more friends on Facebook or have a crush on them and want to hit them up"

On Snapchat as well. Got that one classmate in my contacts. Found they have a Snapchat account. Don't know if it's really okay to follow them. Maybe they wouldn't really want me to have a look on their personal daily life as I only did one group work with them and never talked to them anymore.

Why can't it all be not awkward? I wish I had the guts to just click follow. Maybe they will follow me back and like a couple of photos.

On that note, please feel free to follow me on Instagram at @dessskris now before I think it's too random and you might be stalking me. Add me on Facebook if you know me, and you can add me on Snapchat by the same username @dessskris. Thank you for stalking my blog and go back to work!

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The Future of Unspoken Words (Revisited)

Wow, it's been two months since I last updated my blog. I don't even remember what my last post was about. Apparently it was a self reflection on why I wanted to keep this blog up and running, instead of abandoning it altogether like many other people did, and how I would do that.

I guess my absence for the past two months goes to show that I'm not all that serious about this blog. I didn't make time for it, I don't try and think of what to write on my blog, I didn't even remember I wanted to revive this blog. But why did I come back now?

I started a new chapter in my life two months ago. I'm now pursuing a master's degree in a subject which I genuinely have passion in and wouldn't at all mind doing for the rest of my life. It's such a huge change, yes in terms of the coursework and timetable too, but more importantly in a sense that it makes me more conscious about my future. I keep asking myself, is this what I'm gonna do in my future career? Will I be able to get a job as soon as I graduate? Am I good enough to be what I wanna be? Can I? Will I?

I feel that my course has a very busy timetable, but not very many opportunities to practice. I guess that's the difference between an undergrad course and a master's course. I used to have a marked worksheet for each subject every week (even though they do not count towards my grades), but now I get a tutorial sheet which is not marked, and doesn't take as much time to complete as my undergrad worksheets. That means I'm left to find other means to revise on my own. Other than that, I get 5 practical coursework (or, I'd rather call projects) this term and a few other assessed coursework.

Even though the tutorials are short, I find the projects take a bigger portion of my time. Perhaps not because they are hard, as some other people have completed the project within a few days, but because I need to revise the materials, learn some of the things that weren't taught in class and figure out what I'm supposed to do. People say that once you know what you need to do, it's not as hard to put it together and build the program. Unfortunately for me, I'm still on that first stage...

Outside of my study, I'm very excited about attending tech talks, workshops, or hackathons. I actually spend my weekends looking through Eventbrite to find interesting events I could go to. And damn, there are SO many events in London! It's such a shame how I have lived my three years in the UK without ever attending any of this kind of event. I can't believe I wasted all those time. I could have learned so much from attending free events like these.

Well, now is my chance! As it's my last year of studying in the UK, I'd like to make the most out of it. Every time there is an opportunity, I would go to a tech event. Fortunately London has an amazing transport system which allows me to go to all these far away places for those events. My university also organise various events regularly and invite companies to give a talk on campus. I feel like I've just started living my life. I feel like I've been dead for the past 21 years and just started living now!

It is amazing how these events could connect students with people from various companies and startups to share their views and ideas. That's why I don't wanna miss it. I don't wanna miss it coz I know that if I do, I'd miss an opportunity to learn something new and build a connection.

However, sometimes I also feel that it could get too much. At least three days in my typical week I would have an event to go to. That doesn't leave me much time to revise and do work, as coming home from a 30-min tube ride would wear me out and beg for some time to chill and rest. Am I doing this wrong? Should I revisit my life priorities and get it straight? Maybe I should spend more time revising than attending these tech events. I'm a student after all. Isn't it a student's main responsibility to study? But these events also offer learning opportunities. The kind of learning that I may not get at university. Am I wrong for wanting to attend a lot of events?

I spend my nights thinking of these things before bed. I would look at my calendar and plan my next three days. What time to get up, whether I'll have time to eat at home, whether I could go home first or wait on campus or go to these events straight after lecture. Also, whether I should really go to this event at all, how much time I'll have left for doing work, whether I should cancel this other event or not. The list is endless.

I have only recently realised that one of the biggest reasons why I can't sleep is because I have a lot of things in mind. It's bad, but I don't know how to control it otherwise. I'm an anxious person by nature. I tend to overthink things. Every little thing makes me nervous and leaves me restless.

Sighs.

That's when I remembered about this blog. I thought writing out my feelings and thoughts would relieve a little stress, and it's about time this blog gets an update anyway lol.

I guess that's the answer. I would never be able to maintain a blog that would sell and get millions of followers (are you kidding? I don't even have 20 lol). I can't afford to regularly publish updates. I don't have a specific theme that I can write well on. But I can keep this blog as a personal notebook. I'll know I can write my heart out here whenever I want to. And this is why I want to keep this blog up and running.

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The Future of Unspoken Words...

Why did I revive this blog and what do I want to do with it?

That day I was looking for the lyrics to a new song by my favourite YouTube singer Alex G. To cut the story short, I wanted to keep the lyrics somewhere and remembered I used to post the lyrics to my favourite songs on my blog. So I thought I'd add to the collection!

I also felt that I often have certain thoughts that may be worth sharing but I don't really have an ideal place to share it. As a result I decided to get this blog back up and running to take notes of my ideas and personal views and present them to the world. 

It has been around 4 months (1/3 year!! Gosh time sure flies) since that decision and I haven't really made that much use of this blog. For starters I have revamped all the layout and design although to be completely honest I'm not 100% satisfied with it and would consider adapting a new layout, but hopefully this should do for now. I have also tried posting some of my stories, thoughts, and ideas but every time I find it quite a struggle to write a good post and I still don't really know how to make a good blog.

I have thought about posting a gratitude journal, to take a step back and think of things that I have in life that I shouldn't take for granted. Simple things really, like waking up to find myself and my loved ones in good health, eating good homemade food, and being able to sleep under a roof. Or having someone I could share with, an opportunity to study abroad, and experiencing new challenges in life. I want to be able to read this journal yeeears later and smile at it. :) Or hopefully inspire and remind others to be grateful in life. 

However, I'm not really sure how to present it, how often to post, how to make it an interesting read for others to keep wanting to see more, and whether I would be able to commit to it. Yeah, I'm the kind of person who likes to plan, plan, plan and complicate things. Why can't I just start doing it? Umm, I don't know why, I just can't. :( I need to have it all planned out before I start. Haha. Please tell me if it's a good idea to start a gratitude journal!

On another note, I've been reading really interesting blogs and it reminds me of how much I want to get my own blog running but I don't know how to make it work. Many interesting blogs have a certain focus or theme targeted to a certain group of audience. Can I do that? What focus should I pick? I don't really have anything I'm particularly good at, or like to write about. I like to think that I'm quite a diverse person (except in sports) in that I find every little subject interesting, but I don't really have a specific huge passion in any field. Sighs. :(

There are many other difficulties in maintaining a blog, but I can't think about them if I don't even have a good blog in the first place right? I need to plan out what sort of content I should present on my blog and what style I'd like to adapt. Having a too diverse blog wouldn't be the best thing to do, so I hope I could come up with something. 

This post is an example of how clueless I am about blogging. LOL. 

At least I'm trying! 

Please do help! Let me know what sort of content you'd like to see me write. Looking forward to hear your inputs. :)

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Good Bye and See You Again!

This post is the third and final part of my internship experience series. If you haven't, please check out the first and second parts beforehand!

The past five weeks went by really fast. Every restless day was filled with joy, laughter, sweet memories, but also stress, tiredness, and challenges. It all feels like I just started this internship a week ago! It is now time for me to start a new chapter in life and go back to being a student. :)

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach.

I am reminded of this famous quote about teachers. The first time I came across it I thought I misread it, but no. It means that those who are capable of doing something well, can do it for a living; while those are not capable of doing anything that well, make a living by teaching.

I have to admit that my experience in the past five months have made me realise that my brain has become dull. (Or hopefully I'm just overworried! Haha.) I find myself unable to do certain tricky questions that are meant for gr10 students, which leaves me quite embarrassed as a maths graduate. (T_T) I don't know if that's because I've been exposed to so many deeper concepts at university that I tend to overcomplicate things and fail to see how simple a question might be, or my brain has simply become dull.

This leaves me quite worried as I am about to start my Master's study and this time it will be really tough, no joke. Imperial College London is no game. But at least this time it will be a course that I genuinely enjoy and like. I'm gonna use the remaining time I have left to really prepare for the course. Please wish me luck!

Back to topic, I am left questioning a teaching career. To me, teaching is actually a very difficult job. Those who have kids at home may find two kids already troublesome. How can teachers handle more than 20 kids in a classroom? Not only that, they have to engage those kids so they will be interested to listen to them and able to utilise their thinking skills in class.

The principal told me that teaching is not merely about transferring knowledge to our students, but we have to teach them how to think. They need to see the thinking process behind it all. We can't just give them the answers.

Yes, teaching takes certain skills and characteristics. Not everyone can do it. But why does the aforementioned quote imply that teachers are no good at anything?

Surely teaching is one of the most important occupations in life. At this stage I still don't know whether I make a good teacher. I am introverted by nature and so find it hard to make eye contact with my students, or try to engage them in class. This is an area that I still need to improve. Other than that, communicating what I have in mind to other people is a huge challenge for me. Some people say I tend to overthink and my way of thinking is too complicated, which makes me worried I won't make a good enough school teacher.

I really think that teachers are people who can. They can make kids sit down and listen for 30 mins or more. They can help kids utilise their abilities in the best way possible. They can nurture kids to behave well and become good people. They can make a difference. And they can do it all very well.

Can I?

Leaving People I Love Behind...

Many people asked me how I felt. Was I sad? Was I indifferent? Well, I certainly had mixed feelings. I've just started to get used to my colleagues and students here, but now I have to leave them. T_T On the other hand, I'm also excited to return to the UK. So..... It's hard for me to say!

I'm gonna miss going to school with some teachers and staff. One of them likes to knit and I enjoy watching her knit some really beautiful patterns in the car. I'm gonna miss morning greetings with my colleagues. I'm gonna miss exchanging ideas with other teachers. I'm gonna miss scolding and having fun with my students. I'm gonna miss helping my students with their work, where I also get to learn new things from them. I'm gonna miss after school tutorials with my hilarious students. I'm really gonna miss this school very much!

The teachers and staff in this school are very friendly I feel so close to them even though I've only known them for 5 weeks, or I've known them before but wasn't very close to them. I'm glad for their kindness and for teaching me something new everyday.

My gr10 students are the sweetest. I really hope I could see them again next year! Though I guess they would be even more difficult to handle. Haha. My gr12 students will have graduated next year but hopefully if some of them go to university in the UK we'll be able to meet in September 2016. :) I wish them all the best with their study! Please do not contact me to ask for help... Kidding! Please stay in touch! I'll spare some time to help you guys. ^_^

However, I also feel relieved in that I'm finished with my internship. Working is really the toughest stage in my life so far. I wish I could stay a student all my life! Lucky I still have one year of study. Hehe. Surely what I experienced now is still far from what it's like for full-fledged teachers, so I know I'm not ready for when I have to work next year. It sure will be very tiring and stressful. But hopefully I'll be able to enjoy it!

I'd like to say thank you to everyone at ACS Jakarta. Every encounter I made with someone taught me something new. I also had to strive through new challenges and problems every week. I am taken aback by how my work life is so dynamic and full of surprises. It's as if my whole life so far was just a breath and I've just started to live! I'm looking forward to returning next year. Please keep in touch and wish me luck with my study! The best is yet to be.

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Gojek vs GrabBike: Dapatkah GrabBike Menyaingi Gojek?

Kemarin siang jam 12 gw ada janji di daerah Kuningan, tapi pagi tetep masuk kerja sampe jam 10. Berhubung gw belom bisa bawa kendaraan sendiri dan tempat kerja di Setu, gw bingung cara yg paling efisien untuk ke Kuningan. Gw gak bisa telat untuk janji ini, jd gw harus musti wajib sampe di sana paling enggak 11.30. 

Dua hari sebelumnya, gw kepikiran pengen nyoba layanan taxi online Uber atau GrabTaxi. Yang gw bingung keduanya ga ngasih tau kira2 durasi perjalanan berapa lama. Ok, Jakarta itu macet dan mereka pasti susah memperkirakan seberapa macet perjalanan nanti. Namun, alangkah baiknya kalo mereka bisa tulis durasi minimal dan perkiraan tingkat kemacetan, yang sebenernya disediakan oleh beberapa layanan peta seperti Google Maps atau Waze. Dari pengalaman gw pake Uber di UK juga mereka ngasih perkiraan durasi perjalanan. Kenapa mereka di sini gak bisa?

Terus gw juga keinget, kenapa gak naik Gojek aja? Coba ngecek Gojek keinget ada kode referral dari temen buat dapet Rp 50,000 credit gratis. Wah lumayan lah, bisa dapet transport gratis. Setelah tanya temen juga ternyata dari Setu ke Kuningan naik Gojek cuma 50 menit, dan supirnya pasti tau rute jalannya berhubung mereka gak bisa lewat tol.

Membandingkan harga taxi yg kisaran 50-80rb (belum lagi biaya toll) dibandingkan 15rb (yang sebenernya gratis karena ada referral), ditambah kemungkinan macet yg gak bisa dihindarin kalo naik mobil dibandingkan motor yg bisa nyelip-nyelip, akhirnya gw memutuskan untuk naik Gojek. 

Itu merupakan pertama kalinya gw naik Gojek. Maklum, baru dua bulanan balik di Indonesia. Gw buka app Gojek yang sebenernya udah lama gw download dan meriksa credit 50rb masih utuh. Gw masukin alamat asal dan tujuan gw. Kebetulan ada beberapa Gojek keliatannya yg posisinya gak jauh dari sana, jadi mudah2an gak lama nunggunya. Setelah masukin alamat, akan ditunjukkan rute yg akan diambil, beserta jarak dan perkiraan harga. Setelah confirm order, akan muncul screen loading mencari supir Gojek dan kita bisa langsung menutup app Gojek kalau mau. Nanti kita akan dapet notif kalo supirnya udah ada yang confirmed. Kita juga masih bisa cancel order kita seandainya berubah pikiran. Nah setelah supirnya ditemukan, kita akan dikasih tau nama dan foto supir, serta ada tombol untuk SMS atau menelponnya. Kita juga bisa melihat di mana posisi supir itu sekarang, menuju tempat kita, dan berapa lama lagi mereka akan sampe. Yang saya sayangkan, perkiraan durasi sampai mereka tiba itu gak direfresh setiap kali kita cek. Jadi kemarin gw bingung ini sebenernya dia berapa lama lagi nyampe nya sih? Soalnya gw masih di dalem ruangan dan belom absen apa segala. 

Akhirnya driver itu tiba dan gw dikasih tau satpam. Tadi setelah pesen gw udah ngasih tau satpam kalo bakal ada Gojek dateng dan minta untuk dibolehin masuk. Wah! Seneng juga akhirnya bisa liat langsung supir berhelm hijau dan berjaket hijau bertuliskan GOJEK. Setelah mengkonfirmasi nama dan foto supir, gw dikasih masker dan hair cap, juga dipinjemin helm. Awalnya gw bingung itu apaan soalnya sebelum dibuka bentuknya gak kayak hair cap sama sekali. Hahaha. Akhirnya gw pasang dan naik di belakang dia. 

Belum ada 5 menit, itu supir Gojek udah ditegor satpam gw gara2 ngelawan arah di jalan one way, padahal gak ada kendaraan lain di sana. Terus dia bilang sama gw, satpamnya ketat banget ya di sini. Terus dia nanya jalan, gw bilang gw ga tau dan dia bingung karena order Gojeknya hilang di HP dia. Di HP gw tulisannya udah completed. Katanya petanya jadi hilang. Tapi dia buka Google Maps dan cari rutenya. Lalu kita ngobrol2 sedikit, meskipun gw agak bingung soalnya ga gitu bisa denger jelas dia ngomong apa. Maklum pake helm dan emang jalanan ribut. Gw yang kurang bisa bergaul ini akhirnya diem saat 85% perjalanan, dan selalu supirnya yg ngajak gw ngobrol. Haha. Ngiri juga sih sama cerita2 orang yg ngobrol2 sama supir Gojek untuk cari tau sistem Gojek dan kenapa mereka gabung di Gojek, dll. Tapi gw sudah lumayan banyak baca blog post orang mengenai itu, jadi agak males juga nanyain lagi. -__-

Umumnya, menurut gw dia agak kasar sih nyetirnya, dibandingin adik gw atau mama gw. Kalo belok dia agak ekstrim, atau kadang berani banget nyelip2 di antara mobil. Sampe tiba2 CRASH!! Gojek gw nabrak motor depan! Pas itu gw lagi sibuk mikirin kerjaan, jadi gak nyadar apa yg terjadi. Katanya sih motor depan itu tiba2 ngerem dan dia jadi kaget gak sempet belok atau berhenti. Plat motor depan sampe copot sebelah. Gak ada yg jatuh sih, dan semua baik2 aja. Motor depan bingung2 dan ga marah sama sekali, jadi kita langsung kabur. Toh salah dia juga mendadak ngerem. Trus supir Gojek gw minta maaf sama gw dan nanya keadaan gw. Gw gpp sih jadi gw gak marah, cuma dalam hati terpukul aja karena gak pernah ngalamin tabrakan. 

Gak lama setelah itu di sisi jalan ada rame2. Wih, ada orang berhelm yg berbaring, helmnya berlumuran darah dan bajunya koyak di beberapa tempat. Di depannya ada mobil yang bagian depannya penyok. Kecelakaan. Hiiiy, ngeri banget. Langsung bersyukur deh gw hari itu gak ngalamin kecelakaan yg parah.

Akhirnya sekitar jam 11 kita nyampe juga di daerah Kuningan, tapi gw yang jarang ke Jakarta berhubung tinggal di luar angkasa a.k.a. Bekasi ini gak tau gedungnya yg mana. Supirnya juga gak tau karena order Gojeknya tiba2 ilang tadi. Akhirnya nyari2 jalan makan waktu sekitar 30 menit lagi karena ternyata salah arah dan harus muter. Akhirnya sampe juga di tempat yg dituju jam 11.30. Gila, baru nyadar gw ternyata keringetan banget. Emang panas bener Jakarta hari itu. Gw balikin helm dan masukin masker dan hair cap ke dalem tas berhubung lagi gak ada tempat sampah di situ dan gw gak mau buang sampah sembarangan. Gw cek sama supirnya kalo gw bayarnya pake credit Gojek bukan cash, terus dia bilang ok dan minta nomer HP gw buat jaga2 kalo ditanyain bosnya mengenai order yg tiba2 hilang di HPnya pas pickup tadi. 

Janji gw selesai jam 1.30 dan jam 3.30 gw harus pergi lagi ke tempat lain di daerah Sudirman. Awalnya rencana mau naik Gojek lagi, tapi keinget ada temen yang pernah ngasih tau mengenai GrabBike. Gw google lah mengenai GrabBike. Oh, perusahaan negeri tetangga. Banyak banget blog atau review yang membandingkan Gojek dan GrabBike. Hmm, menarik juga sih.

Penasaran gw cek deh di app GrabTaxi cara pesen GrabBike. Masukin alamat asal dan tujuan, terus nanti ditunjukin peta rute, estimasi jarak dan biaya. Widih. Masa 25rb?! Setu ke Kuningan yang jaraknya 21.3 km durasi 1.5 jam harganya cuma 15rb, tapi ini yang cuma 4 km durasi 15 menit harganya bisa 25rb?? Canda. Itu kayaknya emang flat rate deh. Yang menarik adalah GrabBike lagi ada promo goceng sampe akhir bulan. Jadi transport ke mana aja asalkan di Jakarta cuma bayar 5rb. Ya pilih GrabBike lah. Ada sedikit penyesalan tadi ga pesen GrabBike dari Setu ke Kuningan. Tapi sebenernya tadi naik Gojek gratis sih karena ada referral. Haha. 

Anyway, promo goceng membuat gw tertarik untuk nyoba GrabBike. Seberapa berbeda sih kedua perusahaan ini? Apa bener review2 yg gw baca? Lebih worth it yang mana?

Akhirnya gw pesen GrabBike. Sebelum pesen juga ditunjukin supir2 GrabBike yang posisinya deket situ. Anehnya setelah masukin kode promo Goceng, tulisannya promo udah dimasukin tapi estimasi harga masih 25rb. Setelah klik confirm ada screen loading nyari supir. Bedanya yang ini gak nyuruh kita close app. Jadi gw ngeliat, dia pas loading tuh nunjukkin beberapa supir Gojek terdekat beserta jarak mereka dari tempat gw. Kalau gak salah inget ada plat nomor dan nama supirnya. Terus kita dikasih tau kalo supirnya udah dihubungin, mereka tertarik ambil orderan kita, dan lalu ada yg confirmed. Lalu muncul foto, nama supir dan plat nomor motornya. Sebenernya tadi gw emang gak ngeliat sih kalo Gojek pas loading ditunjukkin kayak gitu atau nggak, secara tadi sambil beres2. Tapi perbedaan yg gw mau point out di sini adalah GrabBike ngasih tau plat nomor supir yang akan jemput kita. Bagus juga kan? Selain itu sama sih, kita dikasih tau berapa lama lagi dia nyampe dan lokasi dia. 

Gak lama dia nyampe dan langsung SMS gw lokasi dia. Inisiatif yg bagus sih. Berhubung gw nunggu di pintu yg salah, gw jalan lagi dulu ke pintu tempat dia nunggu. Tapi dia gak ada. Gw cari2 orang berjaket dan helm ijo, tapi cuma nemu dua orang yg mangkal, yg kayaknya bukan supir yg gw cari. Jadi gw SMS balik deh nanya kepastian lokasi dia. Akhirnya dia nelpon dan akhirnya nemuin gw. Wah, bener juga rumor yg gw baca dari review orang2. Dia pake jaket GrabBike, tapi helmnya helm dia sendiri. Dia juga ga nyediain mask atau hair cap. Untung yang dari Gojek tadi masih ada. Jadi gw pake lagi deh. Konfirmasi lebih gampang karena ada plat nomernya. Sebenernya gw sempet bingung karena tampangnya gak mirip2 banget sama yg difoto. Tapi kayaknya orangnya bener deh. Yaudah lah. Gw juga cek lagi sama supirnya bener gak ini bisa promo 5rb. Soalnya kalo 25rb gw berasa rugi. Haha.

Tanpa banyak cingcong, atau sebenernya bahkan tanpa ngobrol sedikit pun, kita langsung cabut dan gak lama nyampe. Mungkin cuma kebetulan, supir Gojek tadi lebih mau ngobrol daripada supir GrabBike ini. Namun, supir GrabBike ini nyetirnya lebih halus daripada supir Gojek tadi. Tiap orang kan beda2 ya tapi. Belum tentu semua supir Gojek atau GrabBike kayak gitu kan. 

Perbedaan yg gw notice lagi adalah email. Dalam satu pemesanan, GrabBike udah ngirim gw dua email. Satu pas confirm order, satu lagi adalah receipt pas udah nyampe di tempat tujuan. Menurut gw it's a nice gesture, tapi gak penting2 banget sebenernya berhubung kita juga bisa dikasih tau lewat app. Orang yg sering pake GrabBike mungkin bakal males dapet email itu 2x sehari. 

Nah, jadi inget. Kalo Gojek, seusai kita kelar diantar, pas kita buka app Gojek kita akan disuruh rating. Kita harus ngasih antara 1-5 bintang buat supir Gojeknya dan boleh nambahin komentar. Berhubung tadi error dan ordernya completed sebelum gw nyampe tempat tujuan, gw buru2 ngisi ratingnya dengan 3 bintang dan gak nulis komentar. Soalnya pas itu dia udah ngelanggar one way di tempat kerja gw, jadi gw takut ngasih bintang 5. Seinget gw pas itu kita ga bisa exit ato balik ke order. Wajib musti ngisi ratingnya saat itu juga. Sedangkan di GrabBike, kita gak diprompt untuk ngisi review, cums ada pilihannya kalo kita buka order history. Menurut gw sistem yg diterapkan Gojek bagus buat manajemen supaya mereka benar tau supir2 mereka itu bagus gak kerjanya atau selalu mengecewakan pelanggan. Tapi sistem wajib rating itu mengesalkan karena gak semua orang suka rating dan beberapa yg ga suka akan ngisi asal2an. Misalnya kayak gw tadi, karena gak sempet jadi asal ngasih bintang. Padahal sebenernya gw suka ngasih review dan pengen ngasih ulasan yg bermutu. Coba kalo bisa balik dulu, terus nanti pas gw mau ngisi baru klik leave feedback. Sistem ini juga bisa disalahgunakan karena supir Gojek gw kemarin bilang nyuruh gw kasih komentar yg bagus2. Mungkin ini salah satu insentif mereka untuk mencoba friendly, sopan dan ngajak ngobrol. Jadi sistem feedback Gojek ada bagusnya juga. Hanya saja menurut gw sebaiknya jangan dibuat wajib, tapi tetep prompted.

Mengenai jaket dan helm, sebenernya gak bisa juga kita bilang GrabBike banyakan yg gak pake full jaket dan helm. Dalam perjalanan itu gw ngeliat banyak supir Gojek maupun GrabBike yg lagi mangkal, dan ada juga bbrp supir Gojek yg cuma pake jaket Gojek tapi helm sendiri. Jadi bukan cuma GrabBike ya. 

Untuk penyediaan hair cap sama mask, memang Gojek menang di sini. Keduanya penting karena menyangkut kebersihan dan kesehatan. Namun, bukan berarti itu tanggung jawab mereka dong. Kalau kita tau kita bakal naik ojek, alangkah baiknya kalo kita bisa siapin sendiri hair cap dan mask kita. Toh ojek pangkalan yg sudah ada dari jaman baheula gak pernah nyediain yg begituan buat pelanggannya kan?

Kesimpulannya? Bagi gw Gojek dan GrabBike ada kekurangan dan kelebihan masing2, tapi mereka lebih banyak mempunyai kesamaan daripada perbedaan. Perbedaan mereka gak sesignifikan itu bagi gw. At the end of the day, faktor yang paling menentukan adalah..... Harga. 

Ya, kembali lagi ke prinsip ekonomi: meraih hasil yang maksimal dengan pengorbanan yang sesedikit mungkin. Selama GrabBike masih ada promo goceng, kayaknya gw akan lebih tertarik untuk pakai GrabBike, tanpa lupa untuk membawa hair cap dan mask sendiri. Kalau misalkan promo itu udah habis, gw akan pake Gojek karena masih ada credit 35rb. 

Bagaimana dengan kalian?

Kalau mau dapet free credit, masukin kode berikut ini ke app kalian ya!

Gojek: I'm spreading the GO-JEK love. Download the GO-JEK app at "http://go-jek.com/app" and input this referral code "543016746" to get Rp 50,000 free credit to your first booking. #gojekgotmehere

GrabTaxi/GrabBike: Hey! Try GrabTaxi for fast and safe rides. Check it out at https://invite.grabtaxi.com/desy96868?a=WU1DUF5BUFBAVFBB 

Uber: Use my invite code, desyk2ue, and get a free ride up to Rp75,000. Redeem it at https://www.uber.com/invite/desyk2ue  

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Indonesia Merdeka: Ayo Kerja

Selamat hari kemerdekaan Republik Indonesia ke-70!

Pagi ini saya bangun dan melihat isi newsfeed Facebook. Hampir semuanya merupakan ucapan Dirgahayu RI dari rekan-rekan yang berasal dari Indonesia. Ada yang menceritakan perasaan cintanya terhadap Indonesia, ada yang hanya mengirimkan gambar HUT RI, ada juga yang hanya mengucapkan selamat. Bagaimana pun, Anda pasti pernah melihat logo berikut ini.

Sumber: www.setneg.go.id

Ya, itu merupakan logo 70 tahun Indonesia Merdeka. Seperti yang dapat Anda lihat, warna yang digunakan adalah merah putih sesuai dengan warna bendera Indonesia. Angka 7 dan 0 terdapat umbul-umbul seperti kepala burung garuda berjumlah 4 dan 5 untuk menandakan tahun kemerdekaan 1945, ditambah paruh burung garuda pada angka 7. Selain itu terdapat tulisan "Indonesia Merdeka" dan "Ayo Kerja" di atas dan bawah logo.

"Ayo Kerja" merupakan tema Dirgahayu RI yang ke-70. Sebagian dari kita mungkin bertanya-tanya: apa pula maksudnya mengajak kita semua bekerja? Apakah rakyat Indonesia saat ini belum bekerja? Belum bekerja cukup keras? Atau belum benar-benar mengerti arti bekerja yang sesungguhnya?

Mudah bagi kita generasi muda untuk melupakan pentingnya kemerdekaan Indonesia karena tidak mengalami langsung masa-masa sulit ketika negeri ini dijajah atau perjuangan bangsa setelah meraih kemerdekaan hingga menjadi Indonesia yang sekarang. Tidak sedikit pemuda Indonesia yang tak memedulikan sejarah dan perjuangan para pahlawan dalam meraih kemerdekaan. Namun, penting juga bagi kita untuk melihat ke depan dan bertindak positif demi membangun negara kita ini.

Menurut Kompas.com, Jokowi terinspirasi oleh Bung Karno untuk merancang gerakan nasional "Ayo Kerja" demi menggalang sebuah pergerakan mengubah karakter bangsa hingga ke akar-akarnya. Beliau menjelaskan, "Bukan hanya rakyat, tetapi juga penyelenggara negara punya tanggung jawab normal untuk bekerja jujur, tanpa pamrih dan melayani rakyat secara paripurna."

Bagi saya, gerakan "Ayo Kerja" mengingatkan kita semua bahwa kita perlu bekerja bersama-sama demi mewujudkan mimpi dan harapan cita-cita kemerdekaan. Segala sesuatu yang diinginkan perlu kerja keras manusia. Ingin negara yang jujur bebas korupsi? Menghapuskan diskriminasi antar suku, agama, ras, dan anatomi? Meraih ekonomi yang maju dan berkembang? Itu tidak mudah.

Mulailah dari diri Anda sendiri. Jangan hanya diam. Jangan hanya menunggu orang lain untuk memulai. Setiap individu harus berkontribusi demi kebaikan bersama. Maka ayo kerja! Demi membangun negara kita Indonesia.

Selamat HUT RI ke-70!

Sumber:

http://nasional.kompas.com/read/2015/03/10/12073571/Terinspirasi.Bung.Karno.Jokowi.Luncurkan.Gerakan.Ayo.Kerja.Mulai.dari.Sabang

http://amriawan.blogspot.com/2015/08/makna-logo-70-tahun-indonesia-merdeka.html

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Every Day is a New Learning Experience

It was my second week of actual, full teaching at ACS Jakarta. For those of you who haven't, please read the first part of my teaching experience blog series here. This is the second part and I'm planning to publish at least two more posts.

A Little Bit on the Post Title

"Karena Selama Hidup Kita Belajar" is a book written by Faldo Maldini, the President of PPI UK in 2013/2014. I was working alongside him as the Head of Department of Sports, Arts and Culture; and I must say I have learned so much from him and his story.

The title of his self-biography reminds me a lot of him and the time we worked together. He is a very humble leader who always signed his emails with "Yang masih belajar, Faldo Maldini" which means "The one who's still learning, Faldo Maldini". He is always forgiving whenever I make a mistake or fail to deliver a project, and it always hit me that I too am still learning and could easily make mistakes. Every day is a new day to learn something new, and you as human beings are to seize this opportunity.

Speaking about my teaching experience, I am taken aback by how much I have learned in the past week. I experienced a lot of challenges, stress, emotional breakdown, confusion, and various other conflicts... On the other hand, I have also experienced a new kind of satisfaction, learned to appreciate certain things more, and had quite a lot of fun too! Each day is indeed a different experience. A different group of students also exposes me to different things which requires me to learn or figure out a new way to handle them.

When Things Don't Turn Out the Way You'd Intended...

I am the kind of person who likes to plan things out, yet still allowing a certain degree of flexibility. When it comes to planning for class, I'm still finding it hard to prepare the right amount or structure my lesson logically. Even after discussing it with Mr Ng, sometimes things still don't turn out the way we had planned and we would have to do something else spontaneously. This confuses me and gets me worried about how to prepare the next time. Should I have prepared for the whole week in advance? Should I have prepared some extra exercise just in case?

One day I prepared a certain subchapter to be covered within 1 period but ended up only finishing half of it. The other day I prepared another topic for 2 periods, but finished it within 1 period and had to make up examples spontaneously. These things make me confused. To be fair though, I normally prepare just a day in advance, or on the same day in the morning so it doesn't allow enough time for evaluation and if I happen to finish the lesson early, I wouldn't know where to move on to.

As a result, last Friday I solved my example problem incorrectly and certainly confused the whole class. I sometimes underestimate it just because it's grade 10 material, but I clearly shouldn't have. I need to make sure I understand every little detail before passing on my knowledge to others. Another time I have prepared a worksheet but it wasn't good enough, so I had less than an hour to prepare a new worksheet. Of course I couldn't make it in time and only made a new worksheet the next day. It's quite saddening when things don't go as well as expected, but I hope to be able to overcome this challenge within the next two weeks.

A Little Too Busy for an Intern

You may or may not know that I have had an internship at school before in 2012 for 2 months or so. It was right after I finished IB, before starting at university. Compared to now, the workload was very very light that I had so much free time to do anything I wanted to. I could go home on time, didn't need to prepare for class, didn't even need to teach, and had my weekends free. That time my job was merely assisting my teachers in class when students were doing exercise, marking some homework, or looking at some students' IA. I never felt tired, never felt stressed out, and never even complained.

Now, my job is kind of in the middle of a full fledged teacher and a teacher assistant. I'm only teaching one class (6 periods a week) and assisting in one other class (also 6 periods a week). However, I also have a private tutorial during school hours because the student has free periods, that's 8 periods a week. So in total I have 20 periods a week which is 2/3 the standard for legit teachers, although some teachers happen to get just a few more periods than I do this year. In addition, after school I have 1 hour tutorials on Mondays and Fridays, and 1.5 hour tutorials on Wednesdays.

As a fresh graduate I'm finding this quite a challenge. Even though I seem to have just a few hours compared to a student, I am still working outside these teaching periods to prepare for a lesson, prepare worksheets, mark some homework, and other trivial stuff such as photocopying. When I get home I still have to think about how to teach on the next day, or stress about that homework I haven't finished marking. How I wish I could be a student all my life...

Surely some days are busier than others. One day I forgot to eat my lunch and only ate at 4pm. The other day I had to eat my lunch in 5 minute sections. In this week I went home at 5pm once and at 6pm twice. Every time I get home I'm very tired already and don't have the energy to do work. However, this may be common routine for other teachers. I know some teachers always go home later than 5pm, or often eat their lunch late. Or even teachers who go home at 4.15pm actually bring their work home and continue working in the evening. This thing I should take as the routine, so when I could go home early or eat lunch on time I would be able to appreciate it more.

Someone told me I keep complaining as if it's my first time working. Well duh it actually is! :P (Although I really need to complain less and appreciate the good things in my life more.) It's my first time working such a demanding job. Being a teacher is really not easy. However, it doesn't mean being a teacher is a horrible job. Of course there are some other jobs that require you to work overtime almost everyday, or get scolded by their boss every so often and have to redo their work many times. I think I'm lucky enough to be able to become a teacher, and I know that I actually enjoy teaching at ACS Jakarta. I could only hope that my students do enjoy being taught by me too! :)

Why Is It So Hard to Become a Teacher?

That's a question I have asked myself every day in the week. It is a very demanding job both physically such as having to scream off the top of my lungs and also emotionally such as having to handle misbehaving students. The latter concerns me more than the former. Those who know me well would know that I am not a people person. I'm always scared about how I should present myself to others and how to respond to other people's actions or words. This doesn't help at all when I have to face a class of 24 students, or even a class of 50 students. Teaching is a job that requires one to interact with teenagers not only on the surface level but deeply. So deep as to touch the students' hearts and make it grow.

I often have emotional conflicts where I don't know how to handle a student's misbehaviour. On one hand, I cannot accept their attitude. It's clearly against the rules and I know some teachers would strictly ban their action. On the other hand, I know and realise the student won't like it when teachers discipline them. I too have been in their shoes and I have seen some situations where the students bully and hate strict teachers instead of respecting them. I don't want to be the one teacher that all students hate. Should I handle a case seriously or let it slide? If I just let them do what they want, they won't behave in my class for the rest of the year and other students (even those who aren't in my class) will take me as a chill and relaxed teacher. Which surely is not what I want. But if I am serious and fierce with them, they won't like me and might disrespect me even more.

One day I got really mad because I have warned my students so many times not to do certain things, but they take me lightly and keep repeating it. That day they had crossed the line and I had to take some disciplinary actions. The class went so quiet when I scolded them, and that's the first time I saw that class completely silent. It is an important matter that happens not only in my class, so it is important that teachers tighten up the rules and act accordingly.

However, sometimes after getting angry at my students, I regret my actions and want to apologise. But I don't know whether apologising would be the right move to make, as this shows that I am inconsistent and the students won't take me seriously next time. I do feel bad for them because some students misbehave not because they are naughty, but partly because of the teacher's attitude as well. Therefore it is important for teachers too to know how to handle their class.

I really admire fierce teachers such as...you all know who they are. :) I'm very envious of how they could be strict and fierce when they need to, yet also friendly and humorous at other times. Those teachers are in control of the class, yet students could enjoy and like them too. It's the perfect situation isn't it? No one gets hurt and time is not wasted.

But me? I still need to work very hard in order to get there. Students who know I am an alumnus will underestimate me right from the start. Some might also look down on me because I'm still young. They unconsciously planted a thought in their mind that I won't be serious and get angry at them.

I still remember one teacher told me about his experience teaching kids from dysfunctional family or troubled background. I wondered whether those kids respect him as a teacher and he answered, "well, it has to be earned." Respect is indeed earned and not given. There is no way I could expect my students to respect me right from the start. So now the question is what should I do to get my students to respect me?

I keep asking myself why I respected some of my teachers so much (and I still do up until this point!). I don't know the answer but I reckon one of the reasons was because they respected their students as well as the school rules. In that those teachers know they have to discipline the students when they disobey the rules, but they also know to give the students a certain extent of freedom. This is very mind boggling to me and I guess it isn't something that I could learn within just one month of teaching. Still, I hope to learn as much as possible from this teaching opportunity and hopefully I could be a good teacher for my students someday!

Isn't It Funny When You Are More Worried Than Your Students About Their Deadlines?

It is a crucial time for the gr12 as it is time for them to get serious and spend more effort on their IA, EE and TOK. Unfortunately some students are just indifferent about their study, even though their teachers believe they could do a lot better if only they put in the effort. I agree that this is the case for many students, but sometimes we just can't help it, right?

In a discussion with some of my gr12 students during tutorial, I realised that they only have two weeks to write their maths IA first draft, but many of them have not even found a topic, and the rest who have don't know how to write a good IA. (At the time of writing, they only have about a week left and I know almost none of them have started writing their IA.) I was really upset because I still remember how much guidance I got from my teachers when doing my IAs for all my subjects, but now these students are so lost. This is unfair and I feel that I need to step in. It is very important for the students to do well in their IAs, so in case if they flunk their exams for whatever reason, the IA could bring their grades up. Or even if they do well in the exams but flunk the IA, they might barely miss their IB7 (which has actually happened to many students).

So I had decided to hold an IA tutorial where I went through the criteria with them, showed a variety of examples and explained why those examples were good. I also let them discuss their topics with me and guide them how to narrow down or how to structure. It is very challenging for me too because the IA type now is different from my time, when the tasks were given and we just had to answer the questions. Now they are free to choose their own topics, so this is more like a mini EE and I need to familiarise myself with the types of acceptable topics and not so good topics.

However, I have to say that this is quite exciting for me too, because some students have come up with very interesting topics and it's fun to hear about them too. I feel that becoming a teacher is more of a learning experience because I'm learning more from my students than I'm teaching them. Here I could see that most of these students are actually quite serious and hardworking, but maybe in class they want to have fun and play around.

If any of the gr12s is reading this, please feel free to contact me for help with your IA or EE! I took maths, physics, chemistry and economics, so I hope I could help in those subjects; or give some general advice in any other subject.

In another group of students, the same thing can be observed. Last Friday I had a tutorial and quite surprisingly everyone turned up. However, some of them were there just for the sake of it. Some people couldn't wait to go home, some others just copy from their friends, and some other seemed to be paying attention but may be just pretending.

At 4.30pm (or before then) half of the group went home. To my surprise, the other half stayed there to finish the exercise until almost 5pm. One of them told me he wanted to stay because he knew he needed it. Aww, it was the most touching thing I've heard in this week! Although he added that he meant the exercise and not me. Haha. (It still means the same thing to me though!) ^_^

I'm really touched by these kinds of students. They may seem very playful and loud in class but they know when to be serious and they work hard. It's quite funny how they were trying so much to avoid my tutorial but ended up staying back later than required for it. The fact that they stayed until they finished the worksheet is enough proof that they are serious and this makes me very happy. Yes they still played around, put on weird and inappropriate music even though I told them to stop, but they did the work seriously until they know how to do the questions correctly. Faith in humanity = restored. :')

There Goes My Second Week of Teaching...

It is these kinds of things that get me going as a teacher. I realised I need to appreciate all these little things more, as not all students are willing to learn and be serious about their study. When I was exposed to a cultured group of students, I took it for granted and assumed it as normal. When I saw this misbehaving group, it stressed me out and got on my nerves. I guess it should have been the other way around... That a misbehaving group of students is normal, and a cultured group of students should be a blessing. However, it is what makes teaching an interesting job, and I'm very excited to learn more from my students in the remaining two weeks of my internship period.

To any of my students who might be reading this, please fill my last two weeks with you all with a lot of fun experiences!

And please do not forget to subscribe to hear the latest updates from my blog! ^_^

Yang juga masih belajar,

Desy

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A Little Announcement Regarding My Study!

The three emails I received yesterday confirmed my unconditional offer to study MSc in Computing Science at Imperial College London.

Finally after such a long wait, anxiety, struggles in preparing the applications and for interviews, and a couple of rejections! I have to say I am proud to have got accepted at ICL as the course is very competitive and at that time all my other applications had been rejected. It was practically either ICL or not studying my master's this year. I was so nervous as they took quite a while to make a decision and the interview took place during my undergraduate exam period.

The course requirement as published on their website is a 2:1 in my BSc in Maths which means getting an average score of 60% and above. However, during the interview they asked if I could get a 1st and made it my offer condition. Gulp! Would I be able to get my 1st class honours? I had not even prepared well for two of my eight courses. I never did the homework for those two courses and barely paid attention during lectures. How am I gonna get an average score of 70%?? Surely that means getting almost 80% in all my other courses to allow a lower score in these two. Gulp. 

The 4 week exam period flew by as if it occurred within 4 days. After each exam I took notes of how I felt and tried to predict my final score. Damn, my average could be 65% if I got 30% and 50% in those two courses. Hmm, maybe I could have got 80% in this other course. And that other one too. Okay that could bring my average up to 70%. Well maybe I could fulfill my offer condition then. Fingers crossed. 

My pass/fail list came out in late June and apparently I passed all of my courses!! God, what happened to that exam I thought I had got a 30% in?? To be fair all the other students said it was horrendous as the type of questions are completely different from the previous years. So the grades probably got curved and I got more than 40%. Well, great, then I must be able to get my first class.

When the results arrived I was confused by some of the results. One course which I predicted an 85% got a little less than 60%. I got 50% on that one I predicted 30%. Only one course I got more than 80%. So my average for this year is 68.88%. Taking into account my results from last year, my final award average is 69.88%! But... Fortunately there is this rule that allows 2% within the threshold to be brought up if more than two courses got 70% or more. So my final award is a First Class Honours! :D

I was in tears of joy as that meant I fulfilled my offer condition and could start my master's study at ICL this year! Yasssss!! 

I then asked the registry to send a proof of my results to ICL so that my offer could be confirmed ASAP. Unfortunately, the letter says the award date is on 1 August and since it was still July, ICL could not accept the document and asked for it to be resent after 1 Aug. 

So I emailed the registry again on 1 Aug but after a few days I didn't get any reply which got me anxious because they replied within a day last time. Apparently I emailed the wrong person.

After making sure the letter was sent, I got even more anxious because I haven't got any confirmation from ICL that they received the letter. Only after receiving it would they be able to release the CAS document which is required for me to apply for a visa. I actually have completed all the other sections of my visa application form apart from the CAS section, so as soon as it's released I could just complete the one part.

What's making me worried is that I had booked a return flight to return to London on 9 September. The visa application takes 15 working days a.k.a. 3 calendar weeks and I had not received my CAS letter yet! No! This wasn't good. I'm the type of person who gets worried by every little uncertainty. It made me really anxious as I would not like to change my date of flight again.

So after two weeks of anxiety, I finally received my emails yesterday evening. Unfortunately I just saw it this morning as I was really tired last night and went to bed early. So I hurriedly got to my laptop and completed my visa application. There are some parts that I'm not too sure about but whatever, I thought. Let's just finish this asap so I could book for my appointment. I know A Levels students have just received their results too so I might have to fight them in booking for a visa appointment!

And damn I was right. The earliest appointment date is Thursday next week and only 7.30 is available, which is impossible for me because I live quite far from the visa application centre. So I booked for the Friday and will be absent from school. Unfortunately that means missing my tutorial with the gr10, but I'll try and arrange for it to be moved to another day hopefully. What's more annoying is that apparently the CAS was ready on 10 Aug but I've only seen it on 15 Aug. I guess it's partly my fault too for not checking the e-service everyday, but I've been really busy and tired. I assumed from experience once the CAS is ready I would be emailed, but apparently not all universities do it that way. If only I had noticed earlier that my CAS was ready, I would have been able to submit my visa application earlier. 

So this means I'm only allowing 12 working days for my visa application process. This will make me anxious again for the next month! However, if I remember correctly my application process for my UG visa finished two days earlier than expected, so hopefully that means I could get my visa and passport ready in time. But still there's no guarantee. Oh why do these little things always get me nervous?

What's more, I need to read a book in preparation for the course. In my busy schedule I have only managed to read 20% of the book so far. It is quite an interesting book but I just get so tired from work I don't have the energy left to read... Hope I could finish the book before the course starts!

Anyway, I am very pleased to announce that I will be starting my master's study this year! Thank you very much for those who have always supported me. You're irreplaceable. Please wish me luck with my visa application! Hopefully all will go smoothly and I could fly back to the UK in September.

Time to treat myself with some ice cream. Nom nom. 

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