Why breakups are good

First and foremost, don't get me wrong. I hate breakups. It marks the end of something that you had invested your time and emotions in. Post breakups, you wake up as a different person, living a different life without this person who used to be a large part of it. And you hate change.

Some breakups end in tears, some end in relief. It may end something that was unhealthy, or conclude a joyful journey. Either way, it changes your life, for worse or for better.

I used to spend all my time with this person. We had dinner together, went to the movies together, exercised together, travelled together, and so on and so forth... Every time I feel like trying something new, I have someone to share that experience with. Every time I feel happy, I have someone to celebrate with. Every time I feel sad, I have a shoulder to cry on. It got to the point where I need someone to spend my time with, or I would feel miserable.

I happen to travel for work from Mondays to Thursdays so I am used to spending my time alone in the evenings. However, the fact that someone was waiting for me back home and that I had something to look forward to at the weekends, was what kept me going. It is hard not having someone to pass time with, but what is even harder is when you realise that you cannot survive being on your own.

I cannot imagine being alone, all by myself, both when I am away working and when I am back at home. There are new restaurants, movies, events and places that I want to visit, but now I have noone to share that experience with. Doing things by myself is not really something that I knew how to do.

And then it hit me. That dish I used to cook every day - is it really my favourite dish, or did I like it just because this other person liked it? That movie I sat through when I was tired - did I really want to see it, or was he just dragging me to accompany him? That present I got from him - did it really impress me, or was I just being grateful? (Author's note: these do not necessarily reflect how I felt about my past relationship and were designed to have a varied range of statements)

I looked at myself and thought: what are the things I had always wanted to do but never had the chance to? I never got around to doing it because I was always spending my time with someone else. I was too busy learning about this other person I didn't get to discover myself. I barely spent any time with my friends because I wanted to be there with this one person. Now when I lose him, I still don't know the things I wanted to learn how to do before I met him, and I have no other people to share with because I had only ever invested my time in that relationship.

I guess breakups are good opportunities to rediscover who you really are. What you really like doing and what you really want to do. It can be tough, and sometimes I wish I could turn back time and return to the relationship, but the feeling you get when you discover something new about yourself will make it all well worth the pain.

Or so, I hope. Tell me when you find out.