I am grateful for... Self-confidence

Last month a friend recommended an improv course to me. Honestly I had no idea what improv really meant. As far as I was aware, it involves making things up on the spot, being creative and saying whatever we have in mind impromptu.

Those who have worked with me would know that I am not the most articulate person when it comes to answering questions on the spot. If it is a good day I end up answering with poor structure or diction, but if it is a bad day I end up stuttering a lot of "erm"s here and there, and not even making any relevant point. I would feel too forced to speak as soon as possible instead of allowing my brain to process all the information, order my train of thoughts and come up with a solid, comprehensible answer.

That is only one of the reasons why I am scared of public speaking. Heck, I still tremble with fear when I become the centre of attention I bet the whole room could see my hands shake. On top of that, my creative side does not come out as often as I wish it could, and I am too much of a perfectionist to be able to give a speech on the spot without enough preparation.

I thought to myself, it will be a long shot, but this course sounds very useful for someone like me. Who knows maybe it could help me be more confident in public speaking and improve in any of the above aspects. Otherwise at least it would be fun and I get to meet new people, which I always enjoy. So I looked up the course information on the website, but was not convinced that I had the motivation to commit to such a course. I decided to leave it as I did not want to invest in something and end up quitting before it finishes.

Then came the new year. I got myself a passion planner for 2018 and the first thing the planner asked me to do was spend 5 mins, imagine that the planner contained a magical paper wherein anything I write would come true, and write down my goals for the next 3 months, 1 year, 3 years and my lifetime. This task got to me real hard as the first thing that crossed my mind was my childhood dream which I am too embarrassed to reveal on this blog, but also for which I have made zero progress to get there because I assumed I lack the talent and creativity to achieve it. However, I wrote it down anyway and so many other great goals came up that I spent more like 10-15 minutes writing them all down.

It was then that I decided I wanted to commit to doing more creative things from this year on. I started watching the online photography course that I bought two years ago, spend a few hours photo-hunting in Belfast, looked up singing and salsa courses, and signed up to a choir trial session. Honestly this is the most exciting chapter of my life as I finally get to exercise my creativity, explore my potential and push beyond my limits. Something I never thought I would actually pursue.

It was not until yesterday that I figured out I had nothing to do on a weekday evening in London. It is the first week of January and I finally got back to work after the Christmas and New Year's holiday. Naturally I hit up the Meetup app and see what's on in London. A few meetups sounded interesting but one caught my attention in particular: Improvisation for Self-Confidence. Aha! It reminded me of the course that my friend had recommended to me before. The meetup description appealed to me immediately as it sounded exactly like what I'm looking for. Plus if I end up liking it I could come back and attend regularly. Awesome!

After work and dinner, I went to the meetup and saw a good attendance of around 20-25 people. The host already came across hilarious and friendly in the first 2 minutes so that was a good sign. He was able to lead the group to do seemingly uncomfortable activities without the awkwardness! We went through a variety of exercises which encouraged eye contact, moving our body, making sounds and noises, saying random things, acting, talking in front of strangers, and certainly a lot of creativity. Check out Improvisation Fun on Meetup if you want to join them next time http://meetu.ps/c/2Mqhr/n70fb/a

When I got home I still had so much excitement and energy I started telling my friends about this meetup and inviting them to the next one. Only then did I realise how many people might be uncomfortable at this meetup. Even at that session there were a few attendees who seemed like they pushed themselves really hard out of their comfort zones, and I was very proud of them for having turned up that night at all. Similarly I understand people who would avoid this meetup at all costs and I wouldn't force them to go if they didn't want to. But I like to imagine that deep inside they really wanted someone to give them that extra push to do something like this and they would end up enjoying it more than they thought they would.

Looking back, I know that I was once in their shoes and hated being the centre of attention. Even one year ago, I used to dislike giving presentations or speeches and thought I was no good. However, I have to say that I have come so far to get to where I am now, and it was only through attending a lot of meetups and meeting new people that I have grown. Remembering those times, I just realised my self-confidence has improved so much especially in the past half a year. It almost feels like I am a different person - a truer version of me and I am proud of myself for that.

It goes without saying that I still have a long way to go and am nowhere near confident yet, but everyone has their own journey in life. It is only fair for me to compare who I am now to who I used to be in the past - not to other people. Through these improv meetups and other creative courses I am going to pick up this year, I hope to grow my confidence even more.

(Photo credit: Brooke Lark on Unsplash)

For some reason I really wanted to share this with others so I decided to write this long story on my blog and potentially start a series of "I am grateful for..." posts. Sometimes it is worth pausing for a minute to look at where you are today and compare that with where you were one year ago, and see how far you have come or what you could still improve. Give yourself some credit, reward yourself and identify some key actions to take your goals even further.

What are you grateful for today? Well done for getting to where you are now - and keep fighting to get to the next step.